Taking the guilt out of pleasure

I am a basket of pure guilt-based bliss.

You can’t imagine the things I’ve eaten, and in what quantities, and, in some cases, in what places.

I have consumed my body weight in spoons full of butter, condensed milk and cake frosting – just like that – not on or in anything. It’s a miracle I’ve lived this long.

Nor can you fathom the books I’ve read and how often, and yes, in some cases where. Bodice-rippers, teen magazines, more bodice-rippers.

And let us not think on the TV shows and movies that have been watched and rewatched until all dialogue is memorised. I’ve seen The Kissing Booth. More than once. And the sequel. Ok, fine, sequels.

More than half the things that help me to survive the world are absolutely ridiculous. Many articles – some of them really sciencey and smarty-pants – have informed me that what I have here is not so much a life as a series of embarrassments held together by a string of excuses.

The research is unequivocal about this – binge-watching terrible TV shows, covering yourself in junk food, and generally lazing about engaging in low-brow pursuits – this is the stuff of guilty pleasures.

Guilty pleasures are everywhere. We all have them and we have collectively agreed to deny them to the death. Because essentially, we’re a bit mortified that we enjoy them.

I should fess up: that’s only half the story. The other half is that even though many scientists and similar folk still use the term “guilty pleasure,” they’re more or less on board with the idea that these are not necessarily bad things. They’re willing to take the idea of guilt out of the picture. But they’re still trying to find a replacement name.

“Guilt” really has to go, because what we feel when we read trashy novels or eat a lot of pizza or stay in bed all day is actually closer to embarrassment (or maybe even shame) than guilt. So, for starters, they mis-named the whole phenomenon. You can only go downhill from there.

And it really is guilt (or shame, or embarrassment) that pushes us downhill. What we really have is a fear of being judged and found wanting. We’re not working or being studious; what we’re reading or watching is not wholesome or improving.

But the thing is, there is no mandate that tells us we have to spend every second of our lives being good and sensible and productive.

This column is written for readers in TT. We’re not usually a people who think we have to apologise for lahaying. We have so many public holidays, some people don’t know what half of them are for. We have no problem with excess and indulgence – at festive times or not.

And yet somehow, this guilty-pleasure business is not irrelevant to us. We, like other people in other parts of the world, still think some forms of entertainment or relaxation should be kept secret.

It seems there’s a sort of agreement that certain kinds of slothfulness, over-doingness or dumbing-down are needed to create a guilty-pleasure environment. If you use your spare time to take up gardening, no one judges you. If you stay in all day trying to learn more about the Constitution, you will be congratulated.

Guilty pleasures are only covered in shame because we condemn and ridicule the things we find un-cool, un-trendy, and generally should have been left in our teenage selves.

After I read the things and had a nice, moderate think about them, I found that the only thing that seemed really shameful was how prosaic our (not) guilty pleasures are. It’s all TV (especially reality TV), food (anything you consider junk food), and staying in your pyjamas.

Now, to me, that’s a little sad. The idea that the majority of people find the same things worthy of the guilty pleasure title suggests a lack of creativity on the part of the masses. But some research points to this as a good thing. It’s a sort of we’re-all-in-this-together type thing. And if I’m doing it, then I certainly don’t have the right to shame you for doing the same thing.

And finally, there’s the health benefit. We need to incorporate rest and fun and relaxation into our lives if we want to be both productive and happy. Stress, frustration, anxiety and burnout are real. A bit of levity goes a long way.

Remember to talk to your doctor or therapist if you want to know more about what you read here. In many cases, there’s no single solution or diagnosis to a mental health concern. Many people suffer from more than one condition.