BYisrael: Losing a baby is hard, don't add to the pain

THA Secretary of Health, Wellness and Social Protection has called on Tobagonians to be mindful about the pain their words may cause as her division wrapped up its activities for Baby Loss Awareness Week.

Struggling to contain her emotions at times, BYisrael spoke candidly on Saturday, in a Facebook video, about her struggles with fertility and hurtful comments she has received because of it.

"I have contemplated whether I should do this Baby Loss Awareness Week video, for obvious reasons. Many of you know my story. Many of you have heard about the fact that I have also experienced quite a bit as it relates to fertility issues. I know first-hand the pain attached to such a sensitive topic.

"In fact, a couple years ago, following a very public embarrassing situation, I launched a foundation that worked to help individuals dealing with fertility issues, including baby loss. It's a very difficult topic, it's difficult for most of us who've experienced it."

BYisrael was referring to comments by former Health Secretary Dr Agatha Carrington during a January 2018 sitting of the assembly. Responding to BYisrael's contribution, Carrington described her former political rival as "bitter" and advised her to sleep more.

"...if you aspire to getting a family so, you’re not going to get none because if you bitter like that now, nobody will make you sweet, far more to make you a parent,” Carrington said.

She later apologised for her comments.

BYisrael said genuine pain is experienced by families who've lost a baby.

"I'm using this opportunity to let us know that these emotions that we're feeling, they're all normal. We all are going through them: the sadness, the anxiety, the anger, the frustration, and everything else that goes along with losing a potential baby – one that we've been preparing for; one that we've announced; one that we've been telling our friends and families (about); and we've been getting gifts for and setting up the rooms for.

"To not have that baby available, in your arms, is a gut-wrenching feeling. But we are learning how to continue living and processing these feelings; how to allow the people close to us help us, because believe me, they are also scared. They are also afraid to say the wrong thing. That too is normal. All these emotions we are going through are normal and fine."

BYisrael cautioned people in the community who love to discuss other people's business without thinking of the consequences.

She said men and women receive unsolicited comments about their ability to have children.

"We live in a world that can be pretty cruel, and sometimes our cultural beliefs cause us to say and believe things that cause harm to others.

"To the wider population, just be a little more conscious of the fact that when you are asking a couple that has been married for a couple years about when they are gonna have their baby, you might be opening a wound that they've been trying their best to heal.

"When you tell a woman, 'Yuh nuh make baby yet?' you might actually be digging into her soul and causing her pain you may not even be aware of.

"Treat each other with grace," she advised.

She said the division will continue to support families who have experienced the loss of a baby.

"It's hard, but together we can all do this and get through this difficult time."