Teaching empathy to tweens and teens

Dr Asha Pemberton

teenhealth.tt@gmail.com

During adolescence, young people experience distinct phases of being self-obsessed and self-conscious. The adolescent years are naturally a time of intense emotional development and maturation. Teens experience emotional highs and lows as their bodies change, as they develop a sense of self, and as they increasingly focus on their personal relationships.

Despite this, emerging research demonstrates that adolescence is a pivotal opportunity for the development of empathy. Empathy is a skill that develops over time, and is characterised as the ability to see life from the perspective of others with openness and compassion. Developing empathy has significant consequences for teens’ social interactions, friendships, and later adult relationships.

Family dynamics matter

The body of research on empathy supports the notion that teens who have secure, supportive family relationships provide more empathic support to their friends. This likely evolves due the lessons learned at home, in safety. Through the undulations of family dynamics – conflicts, challenges and celebrations – in their most intimate spaces, young people learn how to perceive events through the eyes of others. They are able in real time to experience how situations affect their parents or siblings and so learn how to apply this to others.

Peer relationships

Similar to the lessons learned at home, young people who are given the opportunity to resolve disagreements with their friends develop empathy skills quite naturally. Many modern parents attempt to smooth over potential challenges in the lives of their teens by inappropriately intervening into peer-related conflict. While well meaning, doing so removes opportunities for young people to communicate, connect, understand and develop empathy. All of these are critical toward healthy relationships now and in their future.

Neurodiversity

Neurodiversity refers to the diversity of all people, but it is often used in the context of autism spectrum disorder, as well as other neurological or developmental conditions such as ADHD or learning disabilities. Specifically, autism spectrum disorder is associated with differences in communication, learning, and behaviour, although widely variable. Young people with autism spectrum frequently express empathy differently, which can be confusing for parents or peers who fail to understand.

Similarly, young people with attention deficit-hyperactivity disorder, developmental differences or any mental health concern can express empathy differently or have difficulties being empathetic. This can be a source of further conflict, social isolation or parental mismanagement. All of these contexts are amenable to behaviour interventions and improvements, once recognised and referred to appropriate specialists.

Teens who are more empathic are less aggressive, exhibit less prejudice, and are less likely to bully others. Building empathy starts with helping young people to feel safe and connected. Building secure relationships, characterised by trust, emotional safety, and responsiveness, can give teens a firsthand experience of empathy. From there, they need opportunities to test their skills, deal with disagreements peacefully and learn how to solve problems.

In addition, the more opportunities and experiences that young people have with a diverse range of people gives them a wider scope of life stories to learn from. Young people who remain to sheltered or exposed only to young people similar to them, generally exhibit less empathy as they simply are less aware. There is much that parents can do to develop this critical life skill in young people, the first step being awareness of its important and positive modelling of this trait in family life.