Empowering teens be to disciplined

DR ASHA PEMBERTON

teenhealth.tt@gmail.com

The ultimate goal of parenting is to raise responsible, self-sufficient, young people who have self-control and will do the right thing even when no one is watching. To do so, parents need to provide the security that comes from love and the space and guidance to navigate the world. By definition, discipline means “to teach” or “to guide.” Effective discipline allows young people to learn how to control their actions and to develop the motivation to do the right thing. Discipline is not about control. When parents make commands without explanation or logic, while there may be short-term agreement, there is typical longer-term rebellion.

Start with a plan

Parents need to partner with tweens and teens to strategise how best to support them to grow and to focus on what needs to be done. With the myriad of distractions of modern life, teens need to be literally taught how to make daily plans to include the things that must be done, alongside the things they want to have done. It is about balance. Together, parents and tweens/teens can create step-by-step plans that identify priorities and teach delayed gratification. Developing a plan together helps them understand exactly why rules exist while simultaneously supporting their needs for autonomy and individuation. Too often, during the teen years, emphasis is placed on negative behaviours or outcomes, as opposed to recognising strengths and supporting self-sufficiency.

Prepare your adolescent

This process of preparation is a wonderful way to support your adolescent’s ability to develop self-management and accountability skills. Parents cannot assume that young people will suddenly and intuitively be able to manage their many requirements amidst distractions. While they will want to let you know what privileges they are ready for, parents must ensure that they must learn to thoughtfully consider what they can really handle and be reasonable in their requests. It must be clearly stated that when they can successfully follow through with plans they can gain more privileges. If they do poorly, they are aware that they will lose privileges until they can prove themselves.

Regularly engage them

Developing a plan and assessing its success may happen best during family meetings. These meetings can be in person or online. This approach brings everyone together even when separated by distance, and in some cases, online meetings facilitate parents or carers who do not live in the same home due to separation or divorce. Make it clear to your teens that you want to work together to build a plan that allows them to grow and gain more responsibilities. Approaching the discussion in this way may encourage teens to come to the table with an open mind. Meeting regularly allows for opportunities to talk about other issues that will strengthen your family. Consider scheduling regular meetings every three months. This gives ample time for adolescents to take action and demonstrate growing maturity and responsibility. It allows them to show they are ready for expanded privileges. Parenting is a rich and rewarding experience, and with consistent strategies and tools, young people can be guided to a life of contentment, happiness and success.