Yah too spoilt for choice

KANISA GEORGE

How do you make a decision? It seems like a fairly simple question. We weigh the pros and cons and select an option that best suits our circumstances. This vs that, more vs less. When it comes to choosing a partner, do we assume the task with laser precision, or are we so jaded that we become aloof, uninterested and opt to make no decision at all? Against the backdrop of technological advancements, liberal moral codes and above all, varying options, are we capable of making an informed decision? Or are we simply spoilt for choice?

I recently had a conversation with a male friend, who, to put it simply, said he was in “no hurry to choose a partner.”

“In no hurry?” I asked, “but you’re 38 years old!”

Although the severity of his response hit me like a ton of bricks, the message in his message was clear.

“I have plenty options. When I’m ready to settle down, I have a list of women to choose from.”

Playing the field, it seems, is no longer tied to the brevity of youth. And millennials are happy to sink their teeth in the pie for as long as possible, once their options are alive and well. Some, including women, would delay entering a committed relationship because of the many options available to them. Options they estimate would be around for a long time. Why some form the view that life expectancy and romantic options would continue to infinity and beyond is a concept I might never grasp, but I know this view might have a lot to do with the paradox of choice.

“Netflix have nothing good showing,” is a refrain I’ll continue to hear, perhaps until the day I depart this earth. And if the proof is in the pudding, I have also mastered this complaint. It’s baffling to think that even though we are provided with choices from here to Kilimanjaro, we somehow can’t make up our minds. Or maybe our platter is so full that we don’t know where to start. Luckily, our spirit of indecision is cured by the onslaught of, and you guessed it, social media, and we find ourselves watching movies and entering relationships that are in no way, form or fashion in line with our likes.

Almost every part of adulting entails decision making, but with so many options, do we see choice as a luxury that facilitates the decision-making process or do we see it as tool to use to our advantage? In essence, does having infinite choices make us indifferent to the power of choice? One writer questioned whether having too many options made decision-making more problematic. He found that when faced with a decision and many options to choose from, his usual response would be indecision. Professor of social theory and American psychologist Barry Schwartz writes that the more options we have the fewer decisions we make. And for some people, having too many choices makes them feel like they might be missing out on something. This, according to Schwartz, is the paradox of choice. Schwartz found that having a plethora of choices in the modern world caused people to be less happy with their decisions.

If any of this holds true, then maybe this might explain my friend’s point of view. It might even explain why millennials are at pains to settle down. Studies suggest that more than 50 per cent of millennials are single or have never married compared to just about 15 per cent of Gen Xers. Factors like education, longer life expectancy, and the apparent need to independently establish one’s own life impacts how quickly one settles down. But one overarching theme infiltrates these scenarios: the need to find the perfect mate.

With so many choices before us, we try on relationships, also known as “human beings” like clothing, looking for perfection without appreciating how spoilt we have become. This has led to relationships becoming a culture of blurred lines, casual sex and the never-ending friends with benefits, all waiting areas to keep us warm while we muddle through an array of choices, looking for "the one."

Some of us cannot decide whether our chosen option was “the” option, without visiting every other option and are simply unable to live without confirming that a better option doesn’t exist. Human beings have evolved so much over the last century that some of us no longer conform to customs and norms that existed 20 years ago. Individuals choose to remain single, and others don’t believe in the institutions of marriage. But for those looking for a partner, while the profusion of options appears heaven-sent, is making a choice that you can be happy with even a possibility?

The trick is knowing what you want and being confident in your ability to spot it. And yes, more options can sometimes lead to diminished satisfaction, but it can also help you find exactly what you want by helping you understand what you don’t need.