DR MAXWELL ADEYEMI
One mistake you should never make in life is to allow yourself to be recruited by someone to hate another person who hasn't done you any wrong. And even if someone has wronged you, there is always a better road than the path of hatred and character assassination.
We must avoid taking hasty conclusion because of what others are saying about someone else. What people say about others, says a lot about them. The things you say about others, say a lot about you! We can always tell a lot about a person by what they choose to see in others.
Character assassination is a pervasive and destructive phenomenon that is found everywhere. You find it in families, political arenas, places of worship, organisations, work places, sports and even in relationships gone bad. Character assassination is the deliberate, malicious, unjustified and sustained effort to damage the reputation or credibility of an individual. It is the act of lowering one’s character in a bid to ruin the character of others.There are people who take pleasure in ruining other's reputation. They use these destructive tendencies to oil their own ego by pulling other people down. They have what I will label a “PhD” (pull-him-down) syndrome.
False allegations are the most chronic form of mental and emotional abuse. When people can’t kill your dreams and purpose, they will try to assassinate your character. People are assassinated once but character assassination kills daily. Someone once said, “A friend of my enemy is my enemy.” One of the things that hinders us from living a fulfilling and inclusive life is bringing past bias and sentiments into present relationships. A friend of your enemy is not necessarily your enemy; it all depends on intentions and contributions.
Seven don’ts to guard against.
1. Don’t conclude about people because of what others say about them: Never draw up conclusions based on what others tell you about someone. It is a lack of social intelligence. This is the kind of intelligence that keeps you sane even when others are trying to pollute your mind against someone else. Judges are trained to have this kind of intelligence in order to avoid biased judgments.
2. Don’t inherit other people’s enemy: It is total lack of education and enlightenment when you automatically make your friend’s enemies your own. Don’t make people your enemies just because they are not in good terms with your friends.
3. Don’t use your children as weapons of war: Stop using your children to fight those you don’t like. Your children will need to discern their enemies for themselves; never use your parental influence to make your children hate others. You may often need to guard them with their choice of friends but never plant the seed of discord in the heart of your children against someone else.
4. Don’t gang up with others to hate someone: Don’t join the majority to hate someone. Someone said, “If you don’t see it with your own eyes, or hear it with your own ears, don’t invent it with your small mind and share it with your big mouth.
5. Don’t be used as weapon in other people’s battle: It is not necessary to involve yourself in every battle. Refuse to be used as weapons in another person’s battle. When people fight dirty, refuse to take sides. Observe deeply before concluding finally.
6. Don’t hate people just because they don’t behave like you: That someone is not of your tribe doesn’t make them your enemy. It is a waste of education if the only people you like are those who are like you. The greatest proof of our education is in how we respond to people whose opinions are different from ours. People who think their opinions are superior to others are most prone to overestimating their relevant knowledge and ignoring chances to learn more. The people who don’t think like you are your greatest source of enlightenment. Normally, it is people who are not like us that help us to grow the most. Companies and countries that had maximised growth are really those that value diversity and inclusion.
7. Don’t judge people until you know the whole story: Beware of the half-truth. You may have got hold of the wrong half. Don’t judge other people’s choices without understanding their reasons. If people say something bad about you or judge you as if they know you, don’t easily get affected. Remember this, dogs bark if they don’t know the person. People who are intimidated by you talk about you with hopes that others won’t find you so appealing.
Stay away from people who talk bad about others daily; these kinds of people carry a negative spirit, and a negative spirit is contagious. The real problem is not that they are unhappy about others, but they are unhappy with themselves. Stop the destructive habit of talking about people behind their backs. Talking badly about someone else while they aren’t there to defend themselves says more about you than the person you’re talking about. Character assassination can have devastating consequences on people’s physical and mental health.