Embracing my role as an autism dad

DR RADICA MAHASE

On November 19, TT celebrates International Men’s Day and I am very happy to share the experiences of Imran Daniel, one exceptional young man who has fully embraced his role as an autism dad. In Imran’s words:

“I am 43 years old and I have three wonderful kids, ages 19, 13 and seven. My last child, my son Zidane, was diagnosed with autism when he was almost four years old.

"Getting the news that my son was on the spectrum, I was not sad or overly worried. I knew that I had to research autism, find out what we needed to do next and how I could make sure my son had everything he would need to move forward in his young life. Once he is happy, I am happy.

"Our family is a very involved family when it comes to my kids, so the first thing was to address everyone individually and explain the diagnosis and autism to them. Our family has been awesome. My parents, both in-laws, the extended family and my close friends have all shown keen interest in autism.

"Zidane was blessed to have wonderful teachers at the preschool level and now in his junior classes so far; something we are eternally grateful for. I always keep myself open to other parents who feel the need to talk about their child and share my own experiences. While no two children are alike, it is always good to talk to someone and maybe even vent, as it can be frustrating at times.

"Zidane has never been a mental burden on me, but when I think about his future it can send any parent into a spiral of depression and anxiety. The greatest fear of any special needs parent is wondering what will happen to your child once you have passed. Having two elder siblings and relatives, we always hope that someone will be there, but any good parent will always want to be around.

"As he gets older, he is now beginning to map out his personality and with that personality comes his own personal opinions on matters. It’s very easy for him to flat out say 'no' to things and then attitude follows. While this may sound like the average behaviour of children, because Zidane cannot communicate fully using his words, there are times when he is not sure what is being told to him; he becomes frustrated and reacts accordingly.

"You must always remember to be patient, because you will need to explain things again and again, which may become frustrating,especially after having to deal with other issues daily. We try to let him express himself, but also make him understand that actions have consequences and there are right and wrong ways of doing things.

"When my son was diagnosed, I mentioned his diagnosis to people. At the time, not knowing much myself, I listened to people who were clearly ignorant themselves and, in some cases, believed what they were saying was fact. Things like: 'He will never be able to…' or 'He will have to remain home' or 'He will get better over time' were some of the things mentioned.

"My son is one of the most amazing people I know and it’s not just a biased opinion of a dad that loves his son. At seven he can play classical symphony music strictly by ear; he has taught himself origami; he builds dominoes in an almost architectural mode; and his latest achievement is teaching himself the basics of Japanese language.

"He surprises me daily! His reading and writing skills are wonderful – all due to his mom, who does all his schoolwork with him. He has become a social butterfly and will say hello and want to play with anyone. This is a far cry from being the boy 'who would never be able to.'

"I encourage him in everything he does and attempts to do. I let him know on a daily basis how much he is loved. I often feel that his abilities will someday change the world and he will be that be child that breaks the stigma on children with autism! I cannot picture him being anybody else.

"My advice to other autism dads is first and foremost, love your kids. Don’t be ashamed of them; they are the most loving, caring and wonderful people you can meet. Don’t walk out on them; be around. Let them know they are your world, and the love you will get in return will melt any misconceptions you would ever have. Don’t let anybody else judge your kids until they have walked a day in your shoes. Always try to learn more about your child. You will be amazed at what you can learn. Don’t encourage negative people around you.

"I am super-proud of my son and in time, I am convinced that other people will come to see what I see in him.”

Dr Radica Mahase is the founder/director of Support Autism T&T