Not in those words exactly

Words hurt. People are clumsy. Many of us are clumsy and hurtful in our forms of expression.

In the ongoing attempt to push aside some of the cobwebby things that keep us from better understanding issues of mental health, working on not using psych terms in a cavalier manner is not a bad place to start. Here are three commonly abused terms.

Schizophrenia

Remember the T-shirts that said: “I’m schizophrenic and so am I”?

If you ever wanted an example of how easy it is for nonsense ideas to proliferate, here you go. Sure, it got the laughs, but only because, like the person who came up with it, we didn’t understand what schizophrenia was.

Schizophrenia has exactly nothing to do with multiple personalities, and yet it was and continues to be pervasively and perversely misunderstood.

To try to understand how we got this so wrong for so long we might look at the word itself. From its Greek origin we get skhizein (split) and phren (mind). But the split mind the namers-of-illnesses were thinking of was that of someone living in both reality and delusion.

Schizophrenia is considered one of the most serious mental conditions, yet we still don’t know enough. What we do know are the signs of suffering, including hallucinations and delusions. Sometimes their speech of schizophrenics is garbled, which leads to the belief that their thinking has become disorganised.

The next time you think it necessary to tell someone they’re behaving like two different people, say: “You seem to be behaving like two different people.”

Narcissism

These days it seems if a relationship flounders or you’re having a rough time at work, the only possible explanation is that someone in the equation is a narcissist.

Narcissism wasn’t invented last week, but it’s become quite popular recently. As in any field of study, there are phases of greater and lesser interest in different ideas. I’m not saying it’s a fad. It just has our attention. Why? Political leaders? Millennials?

This feels dangerous because it seems to be giving a ready answer to a great swathe of highly complicated situations and problems. In its simplest formulation all we have is: narcissist bad; not-narcissist good.

A narcissist is not simply a vain and selfish person.

While they do lack empathy, believe themselves superior to others and display a host of behaviours that show an exaggerated self-worth, they are also fragile and live with underlying insecurities. Because their expectations of what they deserve are unrealistic, they are often disappointed.

There is no doubt that they hurt others; they are also people whose disorder compromises their own lives. Because of how they see themselves, the odds they’ll look for help are slim.

What compounds the worry is how easy it is to dismiss them. If you’ve had a bad experience with one, “She’s such a narcissist,” relegates the person to wherever you put offensive, should-be-avoided people. It does not give either of you the chance to work through your encounter or relationship.

Paranoia

Let’s say you do not care for the company of dogs. If your friend has several and you choose not to visit him, you are not exhibiting paranoia about dogs, you are quite sensibly avoiding a situation that will likely be distressing to you, friend and dogs.

Similarly, if you avoid the rain because you don’t like your hair getting wet, or you don’t drive at night because you’re worried about your failing vision, you are exercising caution – maybe even an abundance of it – to stay clear of undesirable but very real threats.

A paranoid person does indeed feel threatened, but by people, things or events that are, in actuality, no real danger to them. They may feel others are talking about them, plotting against them, perhaps spying on them. If they were working in espionage, these might be legitimate causes for concern.

The fact that they are not does not diminish the burden of these fears and apprehensions.

There may also be a hint of exaggeration in the mix. You go to a meeting and two colleagues at the other end of the table look up, acknowledge you and return to their conversation. You decide they are talking about you, and, not only they, but the whole room is conspiring to humiliate you at today’s meeting. That looks more like paranoia.

All our lives we’ve heard we shouldn’t dwell on what other people are thinking. Well, people who suffer from paranoia don’t get to choose.

Each of these examples deserves a larger conversation about the problem itself. They are real and they affect many in debilitating ways. Being more careful about how we use these words should begin to help us to take them more seriously and hopefully show more understanding to people who are actually suffering.