Managing perimenopause and menopause for great sex

ONIKA HENRY

Menopause is not the end of a woman’s sexual life. In fact many women enjoy sex more than ever after this stage. The experience leading up to and after menopause is not the same for everyone, and the effects of this change don’t last forever.

Menopause is defined as the end of menstruation. A woman is said to have reached menopause only after she has not had a period for 12 months. At that stage she no longer ovulates so it is the end of the sexual reproductive years. It is also one of the changes of life that can lead to new and exciting discoveries about her sexual self.

The time leading up to menopause (perimenopause) is a period when women find it easier to experience multiple orgasms. Past menopause, some women find that their sexuality begins to blossom in a different way and they explore sex in a more open, curious and new way, especially since there is no risk of pregnancy.

For a time, some post-menopausal women experience a complete disappearance of sexual desire. This is normal and it does not have to be frustrating, nor does it have to feel like a sense of loss. One way to look at it is as if a switch in your body has been turned to “off,” or someone pressed the “reset” button. It also means that intimacy takes on a different look at this stage in your life. Sex after menopause can return to normal and many women report that even though it is different, it is either just as enjoyable or even more pleasurable and intense. In fact, many women report that after a while, the desire often returns in great abundance.

The approach

My approach to managing sex during perimenopause is referred to as the Five Pillars of Preparation. These pillars include:

• Diet

• Mind

• Exercise

• Hormonal treatments

• My secret ingredient (which isn’t really a secret)

Mind

The brain is the biggest and most important sex organ. Without the brain responding to stimuli and sending messages to the rest of the body, we’d probably have no sexual feeling at all. The brain’s capacity to house a vast reservoir of erotic imagery and thoughts, and it’s role as the storehouse for attitudes, beliefs and knowledge, means that it can always be accessed for sexual pleasure.

Managing perimenopause and menopause by focusing on the mind means we must address:

• Knowledge

1. know and understand how the body works and how it changes

2. know where and how to get help, resources and information

• Beliefs

1. accept that this is normal and a natural part of life as a woman and not a loss of femininity or womanhood

2. trust that there are ways to make the process better or less stressful

3. you can have some influence, impact, or control over how perimenopause/menopause affects you or how it manifests in your life

• Attitudes

1. being open minded about sexuality

2. being curious and open to new and different ways of thinking about womanhood and sexuality

3. being a part of group support or sharing and talking with others (women heal best and more completely in the right community or communal settings)

Diet and nutrition

The basic principles of healthy eating apply all through our lives. However, choosing a healthy diet before and after menopause, may help reduce the symptoms of menopause, help with preventing chronic disease and can help us to feel stronger and healthier. By focusing on diet and nutrition, we address the basics of a healthy diet, and eating foods that enhance or support healthy sexual function. For example, foods that help with vaginal lubrication and foods that help treat hormonal imbalances.

Exercise

As with diet, the basic principles of regular exercise apply across the life span. Few medicines are as powerful as physical activity. Our bodies need to move and when we don’t we become susceptible to many health problems. Having an exercise routine on entering perimenopause gives women a head start to a better experience for the transition. It reduces depression, weight gain, irritability, sleep problems and other symptoms. It also increases a sense of well-being, confidence and body love.

The focus on exercise includes:

• Basic techniques and practices for good physical health

• Exercises which help to improve sexual function and pleasure

1. exercises to help with flexibility

2. pelvic floor exercises for vaginal health

3. exercises that may help to increase the frequency of experiencing orgasm

Hormonal treatments

In the medical world, the word “therapy” is used when there is disease/dysfunction/condition that requires therapy. Menopause is a normal physiological process and requires “treatment” or “management”.

Hormonal treatments or management focus on:

• Who should not use hormone supplements?

• Why are hormone supplements used?

• What treatments are available?

• How are hormone treatments done?

• The pros and cons of hormone treatment

My ‘secret’ for better sex

Outside of the mainstream approach to sexual wellness is the lesser-known and maybe more “edgy” field of somatic sex education and sexological bodywork. This approach helps you to integrate heart, mind and body, to experience enhanced sexual pleasure and satisfaction. I like to invite clients, students, friends and family to become a part of my The Ritual Space community where you will learn body-based exercises and expressive arts techniques that include breath work, movement, erotic touch, massage, working with ritual, meditation and so much more – all informed by the neuroscience of brain and body.

Knowing about this ‘secret’ means that you will learn:

• The best positions for sex during perimenopause

• Somatic sex education practices (body-based sex education)

Look out for Part 2, when I delve into more details about the Five Pillars of Preparation.

Onika Henry is a clinical sexologist and sex educator.

Website: https://onikahenry.com

Facebook: O’Henry Consultancy

Contact: 381-3049