Clash of the hormones: when women and pre-teens go through the 'big change'

In this file photo, women laugh as they walk around the Queen's Park Savannah, Port of Spain with their dogs. In this file photo, women laugh as they walk around the Queen's Park Savannah, Port of Spain with their dogs. Dr Shevon Joseph, medical director and consultant physician at Azalea Health Services, says regular exercise, at least three times weekly is a great way to help ease perimenopause symptoms such as hot flashes and night sweats. - Photo by Ayanna Kinsale
In this file photo, women laugh as they walk around the Queen's Park Savannah, Port of Spain with their dogs. In this file photo, women laugh as they walk around the Queen's Park Savannah, Port of Spain with their dogs. Dr Shevon Joseph, medical director and consultant physician at Azalea Health Services, says regular exercise, at least three times weekly is a great way to help ease perimenopause symptoms such as hot flashes and night sweats. - Photo by Ayanna Kinsale

For some time now, even pre-pandemic, the vibe at my home has been changing. Although the love, fun and laughter is still there, not a day goes by without a shouting match between me and my pre-teen son, most times over the smallest of things.

I go stir crazy when he stands in front of the open fridge looking in at god knows what for god knows how long. Or when I smell him before he enters the room and I have to remind him that taking a shower is something that people do every single day, sometimes more than once. That deodorant serves no purpose if it's not used ant that ketchup is not a side but a condiment. And don’t talk about when I constantly have to be on his back to complete and submit his assignments on time.

He, in turn, gets annoyed at me if I as much as look at him, interrupt him when he is the middle of a game, or have the nerve to wake him up for school. We both always seem to be in a mood. As it turns out, we are both going through our respective “big change” at the same time – him going through puberty and me being perimenopausal.

“Perimenopause is characterised by irregular menstrual cycles and marked hormonal fluctuations, often accompanied by hot flashes, sleep disturbances, decreased energy levels, mood changes… This impacts the daily activities and personal relationships for many women,” said Dr Shevon Joseph, medical director and consultant physician at Azalea Health, a Woodbrook-based clinic that provides gynaecological healthcare and health education for women. Scenarios with which I am quite familiar. For there are nights when I would wake up, in an air conditioned room, with my clothes drenched in sweat. Or mornings I’d be up many hours before daybreak and can’t go back to sleep, putting me on edge and altering my mood for the day long before it even begins.

Add that to what the nhs.uk says about pre-teen and teen development: “Surges of hormones, combined with body changes, struggling to find an identity, pressures from friends and a developing sense of independence, mean the teenage years are a confusing time for your child. It can mean they, for example, become aloof, want more time alone or with friends, feel misunderstood, reject your attempts to talk or show affection, appear sullen and moody,” and you get a sense of what is currently happening at my home. And for women, like me, who opted to have children later in life, I imagine it’s the same for them and their teenagers, male or female.

According to Dr Joseph, the menopausal transition, or perimenopause, begins on average four years before the final menstrual period. “Twelve months of amenorrhoea (no period) is considered to represent clinical menopause. The mean age of onset of menopause is 51 years, with 95 per cent of women becoming menopausal between the ages of 45 to 55 years.”

She said menopause occurs as a result of complete, or near complete depletion of the pool of follicles in the ovaries. Ovarian follicles are small sacs inside a woman's ovaries that contain the eggs and secrete hormones that direct the menstrual cycle.

“As the follicles are depleted, this results in significantly decreased estrogen hormone levels that cause the symptoms of menopause,” some of which don’t auger well for mothers and their teenagers in a house together during a pandemic.

“The current pandemic has certainly impacted the mental health of most individuals. Financial uncertainty, change in employment status, family illness or loss of life, new formats in school programmes and adverse global events are just some factors that must be considered. Combined with the effects of hormonal fluctuations, perimenopausal and menopausal women may be more inclined to experience more exaggerated emotional distress at this time,” Dr Joseph said.

For over a year the boy and I have been stuck together in a house for 24 hours almost every single day. We have good and bad days, and then there are days for which “difficult” is a mild description. Working from home is nothing new to me, for I have been doing it for a number of years. But, this is my first experience working from home while living through a pandemic. So having to also navigate a child through SEA prep, and then through form one on online school while the effects of both our hormones frequently causes us to be locked in a battle for supremacy has not brought out the best in me. Having to work, wash, cook, clean, supervise assignments, and deal with a sullen and opinionated 12-year-old can sometimes be too much to take on in a single day, and there are times when I angrily throw in the towel and seek solace in a bottle of fermented grape juice or a potato- or agave-based cocktail.

“Identifying when these difficulties become significant enough to disrupt daily life activities and interpersonal relationships is important,” Dr Joseph advised.

She encourages professional mental health counselling and therapy for women who need coping mechanisms and to identify underlying pre-existing mental health disorders such as anxiety and depression that may be heightened during perimenopause and menopause. Additionally, she said, regular exercise, at least three times weekly is a great way to help ease symptoms such as hot flashes and night sweats.

“Consider meditation and yoga.”

Healthy nutrition with reduced intake of highly processed foods, salt and sugar, she said, can also help improve symptoms.

“Herbal supplements and medications can be effective in reducing not all but some symptoms…Hormone replacement therapy (topical or oral medications) can be of assistance in some cases. Hormonal replacement therapy should be used only if clinically indicated and under the direction of a medical professional with close monitoring of use because of risks of adverse side effects.”

And when it comes to my soon-to-be-teenager, in as much as his behaviour sometimes sends me into a hissy fit, I understand and I’m grudgingly accepting that at his age it is his ‘job’ to push me to the limit as he seeks to find his own identity and develop his independence. He will never be able to understand the biological changes I’m going through, but I vaguely recall being a pre-teen a lifetime ago. And come what may, I need to make sure he knows that no matter how much we fight, I will always be his refuge and he will never be too old jump into my bed at night to cuddle and talk about whatever he wants, as long as he showers first.

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"Clash of the hormones: when women and pre-teens go through the 'big change'"

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