Asexual people do exist

DR FAITH B YISRAEL

Imani.Consulting.Tobago@gmail.com

It’s pride month!

June has been designated Gay Pride Month – a movement that seeks to provide the level of equality spoken about by President Paula-Mae Weekes in 2018.

“I think in terms of the State and all the law, all citizens and all persons under the protection of our jurisdiction should have equal treatment. Whatever their gender, whatever their race, we need to have absolute equality across the board in terms of state obligations and constitutional rights,” the president said.

Although gay pride was celebrated privately in Trinidad and Tobago for over 30 years, the first public parade was hosted by Pride TT (https://www.facebook.com/pridett/) in 2018, shortly after the Jones vs Trinidad and Tobago ruling. It is important to note that in 2016, former US president Barack Obama designated the Stonewall Inn bar (the location of the famous Stonewall riots in 1969) a national monument. That location was previously added to the Register of Historic Places in 1999.

What do the letters LGBTQIAA+ mean?

Many people are confused about what seems like an alphabet soup of letters being used by the gay community. This very long list of letters is an attempt to create an all-inclusive label for individuals who self-express and self-identify as different sexual orientations, sexual identities, and sexualities. This label tries to be all-encompassing and represents thousands of variations of people in the world.

L – Lesbian: anyone who identifies as a woman, and is sexually attracted to other women;

G – Gay: anyone who identifies as a man, and is sexually attracted to other men. Some women also prefer the term "gay woman" over "lesbian";

B - Bisexual: anyone who is sexually attracted to both men and women. This may also include being pansexual, which describes people who are attracted to “people” regardless of their sex or gender. While bisexuals are attracted to both men and women, pansexuals are attracted to “people” and don’t see gender or sex as a defining factor;

T – Trans Experience (previously referred to as “trans”): The term trans-experience is an umbrella term for those who are

(a) Transsexual: an older term that originated in the medical and psychological communities. It is still preferred by some people who have permanently changed or seek to change their bodies through medical interventions; or

(b) Transgender: an umbrella term for people whose gender identity differs from the sex they were assigned at birth.

Both of these terms refer to a person’s gender identity, which is knowing whether one is male or female. Most young children understand their own gender identity by age two (where boys know that they are boys and girls know that they are girls). Sometimes though, a person's biological gender (they have a penis so should identify as boy) is not the same as their gender identity (where they have a penis but feel they are a girl). In a situation like this, the individual is known as a person of trans experience.

Q - Queer/ Questioning: Queer is generally used to describe gender. Many people use this term to describe themselves, including those who identify as both genders, neither genders, or parts of each. It should be noted that although the word has now been reclaimed by the queer community, “queer” was once a derogatory term, and some people may still find it insensitive. “Q” may also represent “questioning”, meaning someone who is questioning their gender identify or questioning their sexual orientation.

I – Intersex: Intersex is another umbrella term, for those who have variations in biological sex characteristics that mean they don’t fit the exact biological binary definition of male or female. We all remember biology class, where we were taught that women have XX chromosomes, and men have XY chromosomes. There are some people with other variations including klinefelter (XXY), where the person has male organs, but have small testicles and are frequently infertile.

Other conditions include androgen insensitivity syndrome (has male XY chromosomes, but is resistant to male hormones, so the person has physical traits of a woman), vaginal agenesis (person has normal ovaries and fallopian tubes, but no vagina), and complete gonadal dysgenesis (female internal genitalia even though the person has XY chromosomes). The term hermaphrodite was once used to describe people who had both male and female sexual organs (internal and external). Advancement in technology has allowed us to identify the varying conditions, and therefore the term intersex is now the preferred one.

A - Asexual: Asexual (also known as “ace”) is when someone experiences no sexual attraction to others (there are other terms for those who only feel a very small amount).

A – Ally: An ally (straight ally or heterosexual ally) is a heterosexual and/or cisgender person who supports equal civil rights, gender equality, and LGBT social movements, and challenges homophobia, biphobia, and transphobia

+ - Plus sign: + refers to any groups of people who don’t feel that they fit into any of these categories, or fit into more than one.

Focus on asexuality

Someone who is asexual does not experience sexual attraction to others although they may feel romantic attractions. Asexuality occurs on a spectrum. A grey-asexual (grey ace/grey-a) person may experience sexual attraction very rarely or only under specific circumstances. Demisexual people only experience sexual attraction after developing a strong emotional bond with someone.

Asexuality should not be confused with celibacy. Celibacy is a choice to abstain from sex.

Some asexual people may find sex off-putting, commonly referred to in the ace community as sex-repulsed. Other asexual people may choose to have sex for reasons other than their own gratification (possibly for their partner’s). As with all other sexual encounters, consent is the part that counts.

According to www.stonewall.org.uk there are three critical myths about asexuality that should be debunked:

“1. Ace people do not have relationships: people on the asexual spectrum may have relationships for a number of reasons, including romantic attraction. Grey-A and demisexual people may experience sexual attraction at times, while some ace people choose to have a close emotional intimacy with someone, beyond that of a friendship.

2. Ace people have intimacy issues: ace people are often told they're defective because they don’t experience attraction in the way others do. Some ace-identified people might choose to have close emotional or romantic bonds and others won’t – in either case, this is not evidence of them being broken or having a disorder.

3. People grow out of being ace: like being a lesbian, gay, or bi, being ace is about orientation, not about behaviour. While people might change how they identify over the course of their lives, being ace isn’t a phase and there are plenty of older ace people. One of the biggest myths about ace people is that they ‘just haven’t met the right person yet’, which can be particularly damaging to hear.”

What to do if someone tells you they are asexual?

During Pride Month, or at other times of the year, someone may feel comfortable telling you about their sexuality. Here is what you should do if that happens:

• If someone comes out to you as ace, believe them;

• Read up on ace identities – you’re already reading this article, so that’s a great start.

• Don’t assume everyone needs sex or romance to be happy – let them choose their own path.

• Remember that ace people may have an additional identity. An asexual person who is romantically attracted to people of the same gender may refer to themselves as gay. Remember there is a difference between romantic attraction and sexual attraction;

• Don’t ask intrusive questions about someone’s sex life. It’s not okay to do this to anyone, ace people included;

• Call out ace-erasure and acephobia where you see it and educate others along the way.

Tobago Pride Association (TPA)

If you identify as a member of the LGBTQIAA+ community (including friends and supporters of the community), and you live in Tobago, you are encouraged to be a part of the Tobago Pride Association. The mission of this newly formed organisation is to (a) advocate for equal civil and human rights; and (b) respond to and inform Central Government and THA policies and laws for the LGBTQIA community in Tobago. The TPA may be contacted via telephone (741-1515), e-mail (TobagoPrideAssociation@gmail.com) or Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/tobagopride). Remember, you are not alone – there is support in Tobago.

Dr Faith B Yisrael is a health educator, social scientist, public health specialist and politician.

Email address: Imani.Consulting.Tobago@gmail.com

Phone: 741-1515

Facebook: @ImaniConsultingAndFoundationTobago