Navigating single motherhood

KANISA GEORGE

Ask any mother about her views on motherhood, and she would say it is one of the most beautiful yet challenging experiences of her life. Ask the question of a single mother, and you'll be hard-pressed to find one who didn't add extreme exhaustion and loneliness to the list.

Being raised by a single mother, I observed first-hand the many struggles that accompany this role. It is an endeavour that requires selfless commitment and isn't without emotional scars. From sun up to sun down, women worldwide challenge themselves to stay one step ahead of the clock, hoping that this might make the task of childrearing a lot less cumbersome. Single mothers are expected to be on call 24/7, and very few have the luxury of support from friends or extended family. It takes expert precision to manage varying schedules that involve work, school and recreational commitments. And women who have more than one offspring face balancing life like a professional circus juggler.

Millions of households are headed by single mothers, and this family structure plants its feet firmly in TT society. Too proud to admit the pressure of this overwhelming task, more than a handful of single mothers are struggling to keep their heads above water, in a job that allows little room for error. Add a pandemic and home-schooling to the mix, and you'll get a cocktail of anxiety and restless nights.

Conquering this trade requires commitment, time, careful management and a mental checklist of the many small things you could do to improve your quality of life. Big fixes aren't always easy to come by, and research shows that mothers feel a sense of accomplishment on completing seemingly small goal.

Stress is a major issue affecting single-parent households. According to Mayo Clinic, being a single parent can result in added pressure, lack of sleep and fatigue. If a mother is too tired or distracted to be emotionally supportive or consistently discipline their child, behavioural problems might arise. Because juggling work and child care can be financially demanding and socially isolating, single mothers need to find ways to manage these challenges.

It goes without saying that being a single mom brings with it a deadly sense of loneliness. And while you may not be able to completely eliminate loneliness, one parenting blog suggests a few things you can do to keep loneliness at bay. First on the agenda is self-care. The act of self-care gives a sense of peace and calm and can also affect your overall health. An act as simple as drinking your favourite alcoholic beverage or soaking your feet is the perfect self-care exercise, and it can give a sense of purpose and satisfaction outside of parenting responsibilities.

It is also crucial for single mothers to maintain meaningful friendships. Finding time to go clubbing or bar hopping might be a thing of the past. But meeting a friend for a drink, leisure walk or spa date can boost your confidence and give you that much-needed adult interaction you've been dying for. And if child care is an issue, plan a chill evening in with friends after your child goes to bed. This way, you can still benefit from interacting in a social setting without having to worry about your child's safety.

Being a single mother means being the breadwinner and simultaneously playing the part of the sole homemaker. Managing finances is a massive part of the job. Paying bills, negotiating expenses and other financial commitments become a bit more manageable when intense budgeting and smart spending habits are utilised. Making a monthly budget is an easy way to track your income and expenditure. Not only would this exercise help you to priorities your spending, but it may help you make changes to improve your saving habits. Parenting websites suggest making lists when going to the grocery rather than shopping on a whim. For items used regularly, shop in bulk, and practice looking for discounts or off-brand products to cut the cost of your essentials.

Dating isn't off the books for single mothers, and your status shouldn't preclude you from pursuing romance. Experts suggest looking for a partner who will treat both you and your child with respect and waiting until you've established a solid relationship before introducing them to your child. This is easier said than done but is definitely worth a try.

Single parenthood is stressful, exhausting and presents several complexities. Keep at it and do all you can to build a meaningful life for you and your offspring.