Denise Mohammed's life of service to Allah, family, the needy

Denise Mansingh Mohammed, a Muslim for over 25 years, says one of the main misconceptions about Muslim women is that they are subservient to their husbands, are uneducated and are not independent thinkers.

The mother of two said that was not the case, while admitting that many Muslim women accept such beliefs about themselves.

"We must learn to separate the culture from Islam. Educate yourselves and read about the women of Islam and you’ll see that they lead their own business. The Prophet (pbuh) worked for his first wife Khadijah. A'isha was schooled in Islamic jurisprudence and men and women would seek counsel from her. Use the wisdom you have to understand this beautiful faith and you’ll come to know yourself and understand your purpose even better."

Mohammed, 48, is a volunteer marriage counsellor with over 20 years experience. She lectures in counselling at the Ahlus Sunnah Wal Jama'ah Institute and is affiliated with Maktabun Nisaa (Office for Women) and the National Islamic Counselling Services. She has a bachelor’s degree in social work from the University of the West Indies and an international master’s in business administration from the Institute of Business, now the Arthur Lok Jack Global School of Business.

She is also an avid kickboxer and is a member of the Bulldogs Kickboxing Club at the Tazmanian Bulldogs School of Martial Arts and Kickboxing in Freeport.

Her desire to do social work was born while accompanying her father, who was a chief probation officer, on site visits on Sunday mornings. As she was very young, she did not realise it was part of his job and thought her father was a special person to visit and try to help those who had less than him.

“It stirred a compassion to love and help others and to serve country. I grew up with an aunt who was very active in politics and at a tender age I would hear the stories of the Black Power Movement and became passionate about Caribbean identity; having a lecturer as Lloyd Best just helped further that interest.”

So, she studied social work and, while at UWI, her roommate introduced her to Islam, and that continued through frequent visits to the family of the man who is now her husband, Rezan Mohammed.

“Living the Deen is something which is so uniquely different and brings a tenderness and compassion to one’s being," she said. (Living the Deen is the way of life Muslims must adopt to comply with divine law, encompassing beliefs, character and deeds.)

"I attended Holy Faith Convent and, at that time, Sr Magdalena was my friend, teacher and baptism instructor. One valuable lesson which she taught us all at the convent was that when choosing a spouse to be mindful of the way he treated his mother. This was something that had stuck with me to this day, (that) I would often recommend to persons contemplating marriage.

“Islam took the above notion a step further. ‘Your unborn child has rights over you.’ And that first right is that you should choose a righteous spouse.”

She asked God to just guide her to such a "righteous" person and she believes her prayer was answered. She was married in May 1996, and later gave birth to their two children, Siddique, 23, and Yasameen, 21.

Mohammed always wanted children, and she wanted them to be sensitive to the needs of others, have a keen sense of love for country and community, and to be focused and well-disciplined.

“I knew at that stage of my life I had to sacrifice some aspect of my life in order to achieve what I wanted. There are many women who walk the tightrope and can balance their job and work life but for me it was difficult and I had to make a decision.

“I quickly and unhesitatingly admitted to my capabilities and made a decision to stay at home with the children. I gave up a managerial position, a group health plan, a salary, but I decided that I would live within my means and would devote my life to serving my family and doing voluntary service to my wonderful country that gave me a free education. I am a Muslim but what’s even more special to me is that I’m a Trinidadian Muslim woman and proud at that!”

She told WMN that over the years many people told her she has not lived up to her potential and that she could have served TT better by being involved at a policy-making level. However, she said she did what she thought was best at that time and she has no regrets as she continues to serve.

She does so through her charity work, which she sees as a duty as she is required to spend 2.5 per cent of earnings in zakaat.

“This is done solely for Allah’s pleasure.”

She said most people give to the masjid or an organisation but she feels the need to meet the people because she believes she can offer more than money, such as her company and her services as a counsellor.

She began by driving around with a friend looking for Muslims in depressed communities. Then she started going to the schools and asking for “zakatable” families. She would visit their homes and assist the children with supplies.

Now, she visits several communities, including Moruga and Cedros, and helps support approximately 15 families and a number of children. She added that this year, she is compiling 35 hampers and intends to visit as far as Mayaro.

“There are special roles and responsibilities a woman has in the household and one of those is ensuring that one’s children are brought up with a level of God-consciousness that would be reflected in their thoughts and behaviours. Generally speaking, good manners and having a set of social skills amongst children represents how well you have parented.”

Mohammed said she knows she is fortunate she was able to stay at home with her children and has a husband who supports her through thick and thin.

“It really takes a partnership to run a household and my husband understood his role and duty as a man, a husband and father as a leader of his home and to this day works tirelessly.”

She said she knows her situation is not the same as others. And although her life may seem “idyllic” to some, she has had challenges, including health issues. She made the decision to focus on the positive things in her life, accept those challenges, find solutions and act upon them to the best of her ability.

“One has to be aware, mindful and honest of ones capabilities. I refuse to judge myself against another woman’s standards. What works for her may not work for me and vice versa. So I juggle, I make mistakes and I get back up and try it another way and somehow I manage. I am not the greatest cook for my family but I give incredible hugs. I appreciate them and they appreciate me for who and what I am.”

Both her children attended Islamic primary schools and Catholic secondary schools. Knowing the challenges they would face in secondary school, she prepared them before hand as much as possible.

For example, she knew her daughter would be asked about her hijab and advised her on how to address the questions. While her son would be invited to lime at a time that would coincide with his salah or he would be in the company of people drinking alcohol. Again, she guided him as to his responses.

Both got national scholarships and this year for Ramadan, they offered part of their scholarship stipends to be given to the less fortunate.

“I am certainly pleased as a parent to see the initiative taken for love of community and country and I pray that Allah be pleased with them also.”

This year, she said she would miss hosting iftar (the evening meal with which Muslims end their daily fast during Ramadan), and the breaking of the fast event where she would invite friends, family and a few clients to her home for Eid. However, last year Eid was special, and so will this year’s Eid, as her family will spend the day together and hold Eid Salah under their sapodilla tree.

She said during Ramadan, when she eats and drinks, she thinks of those who are hungry and thirsty and then she does something about it. She makes hampers and delivers them or simply calls someone to check on them.

She encouraged Muslims not to forget the essence of Ramadan as it is a time to “reignite the relationship with your Lord.” She said it is important to think and talk about what you hope to find. If a person talks about hardship, they will find it and if they talk about peace, they will find peace. She added that the isolation brought on by the pandemic and the subsequent health regulations can be an opportunity to get closer to God.

“Fasting brings us to a level of God-consciousness. It’s not just staying away from food and drink for a couple of hours. It’s also in obeying the laws of the land, keeping our homes and environment clean, being kind to animals and serving the less destitute in society, waiting in line to be served, walking on the pavement, waiting for the lights to turn red before crossing the street.

“It’s in giving a compliment and accepting a responding nicely when someone gives you a compliment. It’s in following through when you give your word to someone and meeting your deadlines.”

She said while it is great to read about your faith, living the faith brings contentment to the heart and pleasure to God.