It’s a boy! Sursattie, Manuj Ramnarine’s journey to IVF parenthood

Sursattie and Manuj Ramnarine followed their life plan to a T. They got married, completed studies and worked to grow as much as possible in their careers. But when the time came to work toward the next step in their life plan, 13 years after they met – the couple was met with a challenge they didn’t imagine encountering – infertility.

After failed attempts with intrauterine insemination (IUI), the couple made a number of attempts using in vitro fertilisation (IVF). A year later, they are four months away from their son’s first birthday.

IUI is a type of artificial insemination, which is a scientific way of assisting those who have challenges conceiving a child. In this procedure which treats infertility, the sperm is washed, concentrated and placed directly in the uterus around the time the ovary releases one or more eggs to be fertilised.

IVF, on the other hand, is a procedure where an egg is removed from the woman’s ovaries and fertilised with sperm in a laboratory – then placed in the ovary.

Sursattie is a chartered accountant and Manuj is the owner of Signature Woodworking and Design Limited in Chaguanas.

“Especially from my mom – after Manuj and I got married the question of when we were going to have children started coming to us. We told them we had a plan, but little did we know.”

Asked when they realised there was a challenge in conceiving, she said, “We had this big wonderful plan. I wanted children and I didn’t even think of the challenges being a possibility.”

She said she achieved all she could have achieved in her field, but all those things did not compare to her longing to be a mother.

“My first visit to the gynaecologist was in January 2017 to see why it was not happening. After taking treatment for a year, she confirmed we had fertility issues which she could not handle. That is when she referred us to Trinidad and Tobago IVF Centre.”

In January 2018 they began consultations at the centre.

The couple came to know the feelings of depression, anxiety and isolation that come with many of life’s most challenging experiences. “Youth fills you with so much enthusiasm, and when it hits you, you’re like, ‘I can’t believe I am one of these cases.’”

She said the challenge felt more strenuous for her than it was for her husband, probably having to do with the expectation that the ability to give birth is part of what it means to be a woman. “I suffered mood swings and episodes of depression.” Sursattie said she was mentally affected to a point where her moods would result in arguments between her and Manuj. “But my husband was a rock. He was understanding throughout the process.”

Attending events, especially family events, was a struggle for Sursattie. “Sometimes we would go to places where we were the only ones without children. And then people who would not have known we had fertility issues would keep asking, ‘What are you guys waiting on?’ It made me want to just run and hide.”

Asked how they coped and maintained hope until they finally conceived, she said, “Nothing could have prepared us for such a journey. We had to take it one step at a time.” The couple gained much of their motivation to keep trying from their relatives, particularly their mothers.

“We did not hide our infertility issues from our family. So, we were able to get all the love and support they had to give to us in that challenging time.”

Manuj said it was hard being his wife’s main source of comfort and stability. “That rock was only on the surface. Both of us could not go through the emotional rollercoaster that this could have taken us on, so I had to try to be her rock. I was also feeling it deeply. It was silent and not visible. It was emotionally tricky for me. In my quiet moments, I would think about it. But one thing that was for sure was that we were never giving up on each other regardless of the outcome. Knowing that, we remained a unit. We had so many failures to conceive. Every time we did tests and they came back negative there were tears.”

He said adoption was another option, but they wanted to keep pushing through the IVF process.

Sursattie said she first went to the centre she had no idea what the process would have entailed. After several tests, treatment was initiated with IUI as the first option.

After three attempts, followed by negative pregnancy results, the couple was referred to try IVF treatment.

“While doing IUI we were so optimistic. But each of the results kept returning with negative readings our world crumbled a bit more. Our world came crashing down.”

After all the tests and periods of treatment, the couple did not have the amount of money necessary to continue with IVF treatment.

“It was not covered by insurance and when you’re young you would not imagine having to set aside money for that. So, we sat together through the depression and my disability to find happiness.” After speaking with medical director of the centre, Dr Kathy Minto Bain, whose treatment and mere presence gave them comfort and hope, the couple decided to take a loan to cover the medical expenses.

“Waiting on that call was one of the scariest moments of my life because we received so many calls from them advising us the results were negative. But that last call, hearing we were going to have a baby, I was so happy I started trembling.”

Sursattie said she video called her husband immediately to share the news and remembers them both being in tears at receiving the good news.

“The fear was not gone. We had our fingers crossed. We had to wait until we crossed the three months before being sure the embryo would have held.”

Asked if she had to change her diet or lifestyle in any way during the process, she said no. “But there are lots of tablets and needles. And the rest is about being courageous and hopeful.”

Sursattie and Manuj said seeing their son every day is surreal and his presence washes away all the challenges they would have experienced. Sursattie said, “It is unimaginable happiness.”

Seeing Zeevan, who turns one on May 15, grow from day to day is an emotional experience for the Ramnarines. “We thank God, every day for our blessing.”

Asked why she chose the name, Zeevan, Sursattie said she and her husband wanted something unique. “I want him to stand out, even with his name.”

Throughout the process, apart from each other, Sursattie said their family and close friends helped them remain grounded and hopeful. They also thanked Dr Bain and the team at Trinidad and Tobago IVF and Fertility Centre for the support which included counselling service to help them through the challenging time.

Sursattie said, “For those considering IVF, it is all science. It is a beautiful part of science because it helps us bring something to life. Not many are willing to share their experience, but sharing our story, I hope it will give people hope and let them know it is possible. Sharing this story is our way of giving back.”