Sexy gifts for Christmas

ONIKA HENRY

Earlier this year, at the beginning of the covid19 pandemic in our part of the world, I shared information, and justification I dare say, about the importance of sexual self-care and I encouraged folks not to neglect it. I mentioned in that article that sexuality is part of who you are and contributes to your overall wholeness and wellness. Sex – safe sex – actually boosts your immune system, which is indeed a huge plus in these times! I said also that focusing on behaviours and actions that support healthy sexuality, will reap benefits that spill over into other areas of your life. So as you go about your shopping for the holiday season, don’t forget to add a few sexual wellness products, or services, to your list.

For those of you who missed the article and for others who need a refresher, the following is an explanation of what sexual self-care is:

WHAT IS SEXUAL SELF-CARE?

There are many ways to look at sexual care, so let me share a few that I find really helpful:

• Sexual self-care is having regular practices in place that promote sexual health.

• Sexual self-care is a practice that heals and gently acknowledges and supports you as a sexual being while you’re in a place of vulnerability and/or inactivity.

• Sexual self-care is about bringing gentle and unforced awareness to keep you connected to this very powerful, sacred, restorative part of yourself, that is your radiant sexuality.

• Remember though, that sexual self-care isn’t always "pleasant" or "pretty." Sometimes it means facing your fears, concerns, shame, guilt or illness. It means understanding your likes, dislikes, and knowing that if those change, it’s okay. It doesn’t just mean being aware of and stating what you like sexually, but also includes embracing the sensuality and joy of living, because we experience pleasure in all areas of our life.

CHOOSING A SEXUAL WELLNESS PRODUCT

There are many ways to address sexual wellness. The easiest way I think is to use the categories traditionally used in clinical sexology. These are: mental, emotional, physical and spiritual. The activities, behaviours or exercises one may do for sexual self-care, or the products one will purchase or invest in, will fall under the aforementioned areas. Some sexologists add other categories such as: sensual, energetic, social and practical. Let’s look at descriptions for the first four of these categories and then I will share examples of what you can do/purchase for each one.

Mental

This aspect of sexuality focuses on knowledge, (mis)information, self-talk, belief systems, attitudes and the ability to fantasise better sex. Your mind can be your best ally or your worst enemy when it comes to a healthy sex life. Gifts that would fit that category for sexual wellness includes:

• Books – some great books to consider include: The Multi-Orgasmic Diet: Embrace Your Sexual Energy and Awaken Your Senses for a Healthier, Happier, Sexier by Rebecca Clio Gould; Come as You Are (The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life) by Emily Nagoski; Guide To Getting It On: 9th edition by Paul Joannides and Daerick Gröss Sr.; and The Good in Bed Guide series.

• Subscriptions to sexy audio erotica. One of my favourite sites for this is Dipsea at https://www.dipseastories.com/

• Sexuality courses – you can find a plethora of online courses offered in many areas of sexual wellness. One of my favourite website for this is Wellcelium at wellcelium.org.

• Apps like Kama (for Apple devices), which teach your mindful sex practices

Emotional

This focuses on feelings/emotions that you carry about your sexual history and current activities and relationships. It’s about emotional balancing and your capacity for intimacy. Gifts that help you address this aspect of sexuality include:

• Journals – writing is a wonderful and popular tool for many self-healers. If you’re looking for some clarity, insight or just catharsis, journaling can be great.

• Therapy or counselling – yes, this is a gift you can give yourself. Therapy is not advice. It is an internal process that facilitates change and growth and healing. If you have experienced trauma, or feel stuck, this is a great investment.

• Games such as couple’s card games, relationship games such as Our Moments Couples, Date Night Box Set with Conversation Starters, Flirty Games and Cool Dares, Intimacy Deck by BestSelf — 150 Engaging Conversation Starters, The Gottman Card Deck App.

• Romantic movies, date nights at a restaurant.

Physical

This of course focuses on the body and the behaviors we actually engage in during sex. This is often the first aspect of sexuality that people think about and often the easiest to find gifts for. Included in this category are the areas of body image, body care, sexual and reproductive health, sex techniques and skills, pain or discomfort and the ability to access pleasure. Gifts that support wellness in this area include:

• Adult toys – explore the range of materials, textures, shapes, high tech, etc.

• Female sexual health tools like yoni eggs, kegel exercisers, etc.

• Online courses in different erotic massages

• Spa and allied health services like yoni hydrotherapy, massages, etc.

• Image consultancy gift certificate.

• Playful and unique lubricants (edible, warming, cannabis-infused etc) and edible body products.

• Lingerie.

• Orgasmic yoga.

Spiritual

Not to be confused with religious, this aspect of sexual wellness focuses on how people are able to feel deeply connected to self, deeply connected to a partner, to the divine, great spirit or universal energy, through their sexuality or sexual activity. It’s about knowing a deeper role and meaning that sex has in their life that is beyond the physical. Gifts that help you enhance this area of sexuality include:

• Meditation classes that teach Taoist and tantric practices.

• Meditation apps.

Sexual wellness focuses on the integration of mind, body, heart and spirit and when done well and consistently, it:

• Promotes strong, healthy romantic relationships that are built on authentic intimacy;

• Empowers people to have and enforce self-respect and boundaries;

• Gives them access to pleasure and the erotic as "medicine."

Onika Henry is a Tobago-based, trained sex educator (MEd Human Sexuality) and a certified sex coach. She designs and implements workshops, training, and psycho-educational counselling, to address sexual health concerns.

Website: https://onikahenry.com

Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/ohenryconsultancy/

Contact: 381-3049