Does 'body count' matter?

KANISA GEORGE

They say if you want to have a clear idea of where you're headed just look at where you came from. All the decisions you've made, twist and turns you've faced and changes you've experienced, have allowed you to arrive at this point in your life. History is the story of our lives – one that tracks our misdeeds and determines our favourite ice-cream. It enables us to forge deeper connections with others and informs the very nature of our personality.

For most if not all individuals, there are parts of our history that we aren't proud of and those we magnify as defining moments. What never ceases to amaze me, is how obsessed society is with the history of others, more so the sexual history of women.

Tracking sexual encounters and partners is an essential method of personal data collection for reasons that go far beyond bragging rights. Though women aren't the usual suspects of this type of social commentary, to maintain a healthy sexual and mental wellbeing, having a working knowledge of the who, what and when associated with sexual activity is a fully endorsed course of action.

Known among young people as "body count," and defined by urban dictionary as the number of people one has had sex with, this information is crucial as it would impact the sexual health of you and possible your future partners. How is it then that a woman's body count equates to her suitability? It's strange that a terminology originally used to describe the number of people killed by someone could carry such weight in the minds of men, but alas, here we are.

Men brave the world confidently affirming their many vaginal conquests, parading it around like a badge of honour. Some even insidiously concoct events that exist only in their imagination. The more sexual escapades under a man's belt, the more gallant he becomes. A man's sexual history is a prestigious accolade, a woman's is used to slut-shame, ascertain competency, or define her level of sexual prowess.

The truth is, some men are both repulsed and discouraged by a woman's sexual history that they are only seen as lascivious fun toys, unworthy of committing to because they "flagrantly abused" their body count. Forced to look at past sexual encounters as mistakes, some women are so fearful of being slut-shamed that they lie about their sexual history and fail to give their sex drive the attention it deserves. In contrast, men can flex their muscle and develop their skill.

Men are allowed to gallivant their sexual habits, whilst we are expected to desist from conduct engineered to satisfy our sexual selves to remain pure for our future husbands. Sexually assertive women aren't the only ones given a hard time. Some men refuse to court women with little to no sexual experience because of the pains of dealing with a novice. So, if little is too little and experience equates to getting around, then what does society expect from us?

Undoubtedly, some groups openly admonish men for promiscuous behaviour, but this doesn't come with the same level of caution tape chastisement that women face. To make matters worse, women are slut shammed by other women, who scorn their sexual choices. The results of one survey found that for men, dating women with a seedy past isn't a huge issue if it doesn't interfere with the present – whatever it is a woman used to do in her past life that might've been less than savoury, men don't want to hear about it from someone else. Apparently, it's easier for a woman's sexual history to haunt their future partner, as opposed to the other way around.

Echoing the sentiments of one blogger, society sees women as daughters and mothers, not individuals with sexual desires, while men are free to enjoy their sexuality. I understand the concern raised where an individual, man or woman engages in reckless sexual behaviour that puts others at risk, or attitudes that bring others emotional turmoil. What I don't appreciate is the limited choices available to women. For women, it's a choice between either an angel or a whore, and when we choose to engage in the very same behaviour men are encouraged to pursue, we are slut-shamed.

A woman's sexual history doesn't always equate to her sense of morality. As long as we practise responsible sex and appreciate the spiritual, mental, and emotional factors associated with same, we'll set a positive tone for our sexual history and define in our own terms what it means to be sexually free.