THANK GOD IT’S FRIDAY
THE MOST remarkable thing emanating from the police killing of three young men last Saturday was Tuesday’s police media release about the disturbances in Port of Spain that those killings sparked.
The release, which could have appeared in the Soviet Union propaganda newspaper Pravda (ironically, “Truth”) recasts the protests, not as the understandable and entirely predictable result of daylight police killings, but as proof of an imaginary plot against the State, which our heroic police force just managed to thwart.
The release desperately needs translation from CoP fantasy to harsh Trini reality.
Here, then, is the police release, edited for length (but not for tone), followed by my translation/explanation.
CoP: Plot to Destabilise Country Failed
The TT Police Service assures the public the well-orchestrated plan to destabilise the country by a few has been quelled. This was a well-orchestrated plot by certain gang leaders…in the hope to get national support, when they commenced their plan to cause mayhem, fear, and destruction throughout the country.
This wishful thinking has only exposed the real enemy. The plan…involved setting fire(s)...and when Police Officers arrived, (t)he plan was to kill (them)…shoot up police stations…rob law-abiding citizens…(fire) wild random shots throughout the country to cause further havoc…(including) shots...at the Office of the Attorney General, which was actually done.
The CoP...advise(s) the plan failed miserably and the TTPS…were able to quell any disturbance within minutes. The TTPS Alert State remains at red, heavy police surveillance for the next 48 hours, police…positioned at strategic locations, both overt and covert.
The COP…assur(es) the nation that the death of three men is being thoroughly investigated…and when the findings are completed, the nation would be informed and the TTPS would act in accordance with what was revealed.
The CoP assures the nation there is no need to panic…and that the TTPS remains in full control and would continue to…prevent any criminal element from attempting to destabilise the nation.
And, now, here is my version of an honest police media release.
BCP: Attempt to Pretend Protests Were a Coup Fails
The TTPS hopes to fool the public into thinking that the predictable and understandable explosion of community anger over what looks like open police murder to everybody but the police was really about gangs intending to take over town and rob and loot and establish an Islamic republic, too besides.
The well-orchestrated plot was led by gang members whom we refuse to specify, because we’re not sure yet who we’re giving the next case.
The TTPS notes that the plan to cause mayhem, fear, and destruction throughout the country was stolen from standard police operating procedure of causing mayhem, fear and destruction in Morvant, Laventille and other disposable/sufferer communities.
This TTPS points out that the real enemy are those same gangsters we protect the nation from, and save the country plenty money, too besides, by shooting them in the road cheap, instead of prosecuting them in court expensively.
The TTPS Alert State remains at red, heavy police surveillance for the next 48 hours, police…positioned at strategic locations, both overt and covert, and even some by the culvert, but, luckily for the bandits, police incompetence also remains at the same heavy level.
The CoP…assures the nation that the death of three men is being thoroughly investigated and when the findings are completed, the nation would be informed that three men dead and is police whey shoot them, and the TTPS would act according to what is revealed and transfer the police who didn’t shoot anybody to Blanchisseuse, and suspend the ones who pulled triggers for six months on three-quarter pay and full uniform and travel allowance.
The CoP assures the nation there is no need to panic but, if any of all-you smart, you will run fast-fast-fast and hide in Mayaro.
The TTPS remains in full control of everything except their trigger fingers and would continue to prevent any criminal element from attempting to destabilise the nation, excepting if they wear a uniform of the TTPS, whereby they are fully licen’ to stabilise them bandit in they rooker-ker-kung-tung.
Double-G (and the Constitution) out!
BC Pires is a member of the Baldfaced Lies Matter Because You Have to Out Them movement. Read the full version of this column on Saturday at www.BCPires.com