Overwhelmed as a parent? Here's where you can get help

“So much is asked of parents, and so little is given.” ― Virginia Satir

Trying to get information on places at which parents can seek help to lay down a burden, if only temporarily, is exhausting.

Two weeks of trying to get numbers for people who may be able to provide me with information, making phone calls and sending out messages, waiting for returned calls and responses to messages, running into walls and trying to get past red tape has left me a bit frustrated. If simply trying to get the information to put it out there is so difficult, how much more difficult will it be to actually access these services?

A call to the Ministry of Social Development revealed that there are counselling and support services available to parents in need of it. In an email from the ministry’s communications unit, I was informed, “…please know that assistance is available through the Ministry of Social Development and Family Services’ National Family Services Division (NFSD).

“Staffed by a cadre of highly-skilled and trained professionals who are guided by the ethical principles of the social work profession, the NFSD caters primarily to the needs of individuals and families in order to provide greater psychosocial support.

“The NFSD is located at 95-97 Frederick Street, Port of Spain and at the Ministry’s Social Welfare offices in Couva, Chaguanas, Tunapuna, San Juan, Arima, Princes Town, Rio Claro, San Fernando, Penal and Point Fortin. Persons may contact the National Family Services Division by calling: 623-2608 ext.’s 6701-6707 or visit our various offices to receive free counselling and support.”

I will be supplied with more details on these support and counselling services when the unit receives the proper approval to disseminate it, I was further informed. When will that be? Your guess is as good as mine.

Meanwhile, the email advised, organisations such as Families in Action (628-6333) and the Trinidad and Tobago Innovative Parenting Support (664-1520) also offer counselling services, parenting courses and workshops, and facilitates parenting empowerment groups.

Child developmental and education specialist Marina Torres, founding member of non-governmental organisation (NGO) Parenting TT told WMN the organisation offers a number of training programmes that provide parents with the knowledge on how to improve their parenting skills.

“We also partner with National Family Services in schools, communities and churches to offer as much guidance as we can. We try to be where families congregate so that they would know of the services that are available and where they can access them.”

The government-subsidised NGO offers services such as parent training and child development workshops and have support groups for parents. She said although the services are not free, the organisation brainstorms with parents with financial constraints to come up with ways in which they can pay.

And in the event the organisation cannot provide a particular service, it refers parents to one that does.

“We guide them in the right direction where they can source the services they require,” Torres said. “The services exist, it’s just that a lot of work has to be done to encourage people to use them.”

A number of religious bodies too, offer counselling services and support groups. Episcopal delegate for the Family Life Commission of the Archdiocese of Port of Spain, Tricia Syms, said the commission offers various developmental programmes aimed at strengthening families in TT, and it is not just open to Roman Catholics.

The Common Sense Parenting six-week programme, done in collaboration with the Franciscan Institute in Chaguanas, “helps parents to understand themselves and give them skills they need to raise children. It’s all about relationship building.”

The Children are Gifts programme, she said, focusses on helping parents to take care of themselves. “Are you exercising regularly, eating properly? Do you have friends? How is your mental health?” are among the questions parents are asked.

“Our emotional self needs to be taken of. The programme helps adults to understand themselves as a spiritual being. To develop themselves intellectually, not necessarily through academics but with simple habits like making time to read. It’s about helping parents to be givers while taking better care of themselves.”

Syms said outside of the structured programmes, the committee also offers counselling services.

“We get a lot of calls from people who need counselling, so we have counsellors available throughout Trinidad to whom we can refer them. We have a member of staff who is a mental health therapist and we also have people who are trained to listen... We don’t turn away anybody. Sometimes people may have to pay a small fee, depending on the need... But that fee is just to keep the service going.”

She said people can call 299-1047 or 672-4280, visit the website aflcrc.org, or social media pages @familylifecommission.

But there are also avant-garde ways in which overwhelmed parents may sometimes get a little respite from life. I recently noticed a Facebook post by a friend who has a daughter attending a secondary school in the east. A teacher realised that one of her students had been attending school without having breakfast, and without judgement, the teacher took it upon herself to bring the student breakfast. Her kindness caused a ripple effect when other teachers and students, and eventually parents got involved. Let’s just say there is a full-fledged breakfast club at the school, where no one is left hungry. The parents of that student certainly found a little breathing space in an unexpected place.

Sometimes all it may take is a smile, a word or simple act of kindness to prevent an avalanche of unfortunate events. Recently, one of my dear friends revealed that a thoughtful text message from one of her friends came in just around the time she was contemplating taking her own life. She was in a dark place and couldn’t seem to find a way out. That message saved her life.

I absolutely love it when my neighbour, Annabelle has me over for her special coffee or wine, and I look forward to our fitness walks around the neighbourhood on evenings. We talk about everything and nothing in particular, and there is always plenty of laughter. For me it’s an opportunity, for a short time, to take a break from the bills, the chores, the general stresses of life.

And because I’m a firm believer in paying it forward, it’s never difficult for me, from time to time, to cook a little extra so I can share with another neighbour who always has to work late before coming home to prepare dinner for her family. The look on her face is always thanks enough.

Individuals, families, communities, churches, groups have a responsibility to make this world a better place for children. One of the best ways in which we can do that it by making it a better place for parents.