THE EDITOR: With the surge in gender-based violence this year alone I offer my view on why this is taking place.
Many of my fellow females would agree that many males are not being trained to be strong in character, emotionally centred and supportive. Therefore more attention needs to be placed on inculcating values and respect in men, and not just fuelling their need for job security and financial freedom. Money without principle is a recipe for danger.
The delicate nature and softness of a woman cannot be shown if society allows for men who perceive a woman’s innate gentleness as weakness to be preyed upon. Mind you, this softness is not a weakness, but a strength of a woman.
So many males become easily intimidated by their partner’s successes and this results in a serious level of insecurity.
The need for a woman to be wholly dependant on a man gives incomplete and unaccomplished men a sense of validity and purpose. This also applies to men who are financially stable: if attention isn’t given to developing themselves internally as gentlemen and humbling themselves to God/higher power, they won’t know how to see beyond themselves and their worth and their urge to be needed and satisfied.
A man who humbles himself to nothing/no-one can never truly value anything or anyone besides himself.
When arrogance, ignorance and emotional instability are combined, these men then see every act their woman does for herself as an act done against them. This then makes things heated as the woman has done something on her own or has a clean, enjoyable time without her male counterpart.
The need for these men to possess, monitor and sanction their wives and their decisions overpowers the need to love, support and motivate their wives.
This then leads them to not be able to handle rejection well and they opt to “lash out” in ways as they fall victim to the rejection.
So many men claim they are ready for love and a family, but they don’t even have a proper grasp on themselves, they don’t even know who they are. Unless they have “met” themselves fully and have come to terms with their demons and have healed, they would eventually project their masked issues unto themselves when the “honeymoon phase” is over. These men are indeed ready for love. But self-love.
Financial freedom isn’t all there is to attain. There isn’t a checklist: achieve permanent employment, then “pluck” the good girl to marry and have a family. These men would still have absolutely no handle on themselves and who they are? This just gives rise to infidelity, insecurity and other issues.
A good woman isn’t a “blank or clean slate” or a form of absolution for indiscretions made by men in their past. The man must earn his woman. He must be the man his woman deserves to have.
Men, know yourselves first.