Don't be so quick to judge

Over the past 11 years I have developed my own parenting style — a combination of traditions, adapted bits and pieces of what I've read, and a lot of what my motherly gut tells me is the right thing to do for my child. My ever evolving style has sometimes been well received, and at other times heavily criticised by other people. In the early stages the latter used to bother me somewhat. Not any more, though, because I've realised that as a mother I, more than anyone else, will know what is best for my son. So while I have no problem with people giving me advice, I do have a problem when they believe I am obliged to take it because it was what they did with their own children.

"Why do you allow that child to argue with you like that? You need to nip that rudeness in the bud," I've frequently been advised when I give him leeway to argue his case. Something that would have been taken care of with a good slap when I was a child, but which I view as allowing him to have a voice, within boundaries of course.

"Why don't you take that child to get a haircut?" I've been asked time and time again because I allow him to wear his hair in the style he likes, giving him an opportunity to develop his own sense of style and to express it. It will do us well as parents to accept that there is no one-style-fits-all when it comes to parenting. To get to the point where we try to ditch our hard-wired tendency to judge other parents because we believe our style is superior.

I have watched with a bit of disconcertion as the world has condemned some of the choices made by Meghan Markle in raising her young baby. Albeit she is a public figure and there are certain protocols she is required to follow, I firmly believe the way in which she chooses to raise her child is not the world's business. Sure, unlike the average young, inexperienced mother, as the Duchess of Sussex she may have staff at her beck and call to assist her with anything she needs. But there is no way of getting around the physical and emotional challenges that come with pregnancy — challenges to which even a duchess isn't immune.

Imagine, people have even been criticising the way in which she was seen holding Archie. "Many fellow moms felt that Meghan was holding baby Archie incorrectly," an article from socialgazette.com said.

"Thankfully, many other moms came together to defend the duchess. Some stated that Meghan must be under a lot of pressure as she is trying to raise a baby while in view of the rest of the world... Other parents believe that many are too quick to judge others on how they raise their youngsters. Many parents feel that everyone has their own way of holding their child, and Meghan is merely learning as she goes...There hasn’t been much talk about the struggles Meghan has faced as a mother, but we’ve no doubt she’s finding certain things difficult. It’s inevitable for every mom to have challenges along the way, but those troubles don’t define a person," the article continued — something I whole-heartedly endorse.

I am in no position to judge anyone, because I am the mother who will allow clothes to pile up on a bed for weeks because I don't always feel like folding them; who will use the playstation as a baby sitter more often than I would like to because I have "things" to do; whose child is sure to get into some type of mischief as soon as I turn my back because that's how he is wired; who is guaranteed to see the inside of the principal's office at least once every term; who has burnt breakfast, lunch and dinner because I was binging on Netflix; who occasionally gives my son the okay to eat snacks for breakfast so I can enjoy my cup of tea in peace; who frequently loses my cool one second after his 9 pm bedtime because that's when he decides he wants to know all the secrets of the universe and suddenly realises he is thirsty; who now skips the first nine "don't do that" octave increasing steps and jump right into the tenth "DON'T DO THAT!" magic step. But does that make me a bad mother? I think not.

Children don't come with manuals and all parents stumble from time to time. And I doubt there will ever be a time when we will become stumble-free. But if nothing else, my stumbles have taught me that, for my son's sake, the important thing is getting up and trying a different way to clear the obstacle. I am not one for new year resolutions because I believe any time of the year is a time for a new start. But, this is not just any new year. It's a new decade. So, as we head into 2020 one of my resolutions is to refrain from judging fellow parents and be their Miss Nigeria when they need a cheerleader.

Happy New Year everyone!