A different world

The last time my son got a haircut was in December of 2018 and now he has a boy bun, although he prefers to call it a man bun. His adamancy when it came to allowing his hair to grow in a Christopher Reid’s Kid n Play style has not been well accepted by a lot of people, close family members and friends included.

“Time to cut that hair boy,” he was advised many times, but his obstinacy never wavered. Even when I myself tried to coax him into getting a haircut because I got tired of grooming it, he held his ground and groomed it himself as best as he could.

He has always been a “pretty” child, not something society graciously associates with boys. When he was a baby, I frequently got, “your daughter is so pretty,” and his long, luscious eyelashes added fuel to the fire. Now that he chooses to wear his hair braided or in a bun, he again gets mistaken for a girl from time to time, but not even that is enough to make him consider a haircut. When he sits in the barber’s chair to neaten the sides and the back, he gives specific instructions, “Do not cut any off the top.”

And that’s not just with his hair. Over the years I’ve noticed how he takes a firm stance for things that are important to him ─ something I can’t recall doing when I was his age because back then that was considered outright disobedience and grounds for a good cut tail. I have to say I admire his self-knowledge, and although sometimes the way in which he projects it can be a bit much, I won’t have it any other way.

Last week I came across a meme on social media that has really struck with me. “Do not raise your children to behave like you, for surely they have been created for a time which is different to your time,” a quote by Imam Hazrat Ali. Of course lessons of morals are a must, as are physical activities and education, but as parents and guardians we have to remember that with everything there is an evolution.

For instance, I would have never imagined in my lifetime, that I would see the day when a 16-year-old would win millions of dollars in an e-sport. Hell, who would have thought I would know what an e-sport is. Yet it happened when US teenager Kyle Giersdorf, who plays Fortnite Battle Royale online as “Bugha” beat out 99 other players last Sunday to win the solo competition at the inaugural Fortnite World Cup, held at the USTA Billie Jean King National Tennis Centre in New York. He walked away with US$3 million.

“Nearly all established sports are going through some degree of hand-wringing over attracting younger fans as their older core ages out. The death of monoculture and explosion of entertainment options, many accessible without leaving one’s bedroom, have seen attendance drops across the board. MLB and NFL teams have fallen over themselves installing on-site daily fantasy lounges to lure second-screeners. Even the hidebound International Olympic Committee has made transparent plays for youth, most recently with the addition of skateboarding, surfing and three-on-three basketball to next year’s Summer Olympics in Tokyo,” an article posted on theguardian.com website said of the changes that have been taking place in the sporting world.

My son is a video game junkie and Fortnite is one of his favourite games. We have had many a fight when it’s time for him to switch off, and although I’ve threatened many times to ban him completely from playing the game, I know I will never make good on that threat because I have to accept and understand that his is a different generation. I must monitor his use and time on the gadgets and devices and set ground rules, but I also must allow him to embrace the “traditions” of his generation.

Recently he asked me if I preferred my childhood time or if I would have wanted to be a child now. I thought about it and my response was “mine.” When he pressed as to why, I said I was more “comfortable” with the things with which I grew up. I’m not really a tech person. I can manoeuvre my way through the basics, but to be honest, technology scares the hell out of me. I’m guessing it’s the same for many mature parents. We find comfort in what we know.

The world is changing and our children are part of that change whether we like it or not. We want the best for them in all aspects of their lives and we believe a good education is one of the pillars for that. After all, a university education guarantees a good job, right? Not necessarily. The days of tertiary education being the pre-requisite for a well-paying job are over as it regards some professions. Tertiary education has its merits and there will always be a need for doctors, lawyers, teachers and the traditional likes, but now there are careers out there that we, older parents, never knew existed. Some require a formal education, others don’t. The video game industry, for example, is huge and offers so many career options ─ designing, developing, testing, marketing. The film industry is burgeoning, as are the fashion and music industries. Science and technology now complement each other and social media careers are just a click away for those so savvy. It’s time we accept this and stop forcing our “comfort” and dreams on our children. Let’s let them be, with gentle guidance.

This badtameez.gulabi@badtameez_tweet could not have said it any better. “Don’t have kids if you cannot accept that children will grow into a whole person with their own thoughts, ideologies, sexuality, preferences, beliefs and values. No child should be forced and conditioned into a mini you or fulfill your lost dreams. Don’t have kids if that’s your plan.”

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