GISELLE P HUDSON
We all have a story going on in our heads about the way we think our lives should be. How close is that story to reality – to what is actually happening in your life?
I have spent decades of my life dedicated to finding out about purpose and serving – what is the true self and what does being in alignment with that “self” look like? I have also assumed that because I “see” something, that everyone is seeing it too.
Needless to say I have made some huge mistakes around my assumptions in trying to squeeze people into places that they don’t fit. I didn’t do this intentionally nor did I set out to cause pain. I simply wasn’t aware.
The day I became aware of how different we are changed everything for me. I could celebrate me, with my quirks and differences and embrace others and respect how they chose to live and act. I developed compassion. I read some words by Brené Brown in her book the Gifts of Imperfection, which described my purpose to a T. “As it turned out, the work I had to do was messy and deep…”
All of us – us humans – are messy. Yet we live in a world constantly trying to schedule us, place us in boxes, in types, in personality types, in alphabetised types, in alpha and omega states, in horoscope groupings etc. I understand why. We are all trying to make sense and things seem sensible when we set up rules, provide assessments and then have an analysis served up to us, nice…clean and clear cut as to who we are. Except we are complex, mainly because in pursuit of love and safety in early childhood, we developed ways to get both love and safety that caused us to act out of alignment with our true selves. The more we did this, the more layers we added until we could no longer recognise who we were. Unfortunately we usually continue living, unaware of how far removed we are from ourselves until something happens to get our attention.
Here’s how it happened for Michelle DeRusha, who recently announced that she was quitting book writing.
“I tried to think of softer, more sophisticated title for this post, but the fact is, I’m quitting book writing, and there’s really no other way to say it. Turns out, I wrote a book about the journey toward uncovering your true self, and along the way, I discovered my true self does not align well with my work. This is knowledge I think I’ve understood deep down for a long time, and yet, I’ve held on, clutching and grasping with all my might, unwilling and afraid to let go.
"This has been a hard truth to face. There are the logistics, for one. I was contracted to write another book, which means I’ve had to withdraw from that contract and pay back the advance I had received to write the book. That is hard. But even harder has been the unexpected grief that’s accompanied this decision. It’s painful to acknowledge that the story I wrote for myself in my mind and in my dreams all those years ago didn’t write itself the same way in real life. There have been joyful chapters, to be sure. But there have also been many, many chapters full of sorrow, disappointment, bitterness, resentment, anger and frustration. There is heartbreak in recognising and acknowledging that my dream did not turn out as I had imagined and hoped it would. There is grief in letting go of the story I’d hoped would be true. But there’s also hope in knowing the story is still being written.”
Are you holding onto the story in your head so tight, suffering through your life, knowing that something is off, yet too afraid to acknowledge it?
There is nothing wrong with you. However, while you might argue that this is the devil you know and it’s bringing you a certain amount of comfort – what if, now is the time to follow another course?
Often our minds fill up with all the reasons why something can’t happen. We can’t see how we are going to earn the money, get the idea up and running, start a new course at such an old age. Yet understand that the ideas you have are valid and were given to you for a reason. The strong desires you have, hold within them the power you need to take that step. Perhaps you need some hand holding but please, don’t let your idea or desire die within you.
It takes courage and perhaps you need to ask for help. If you’re reading this, maybe you need to hear this today: It’s time to let go. Have faith and leap – the net will appear.
Today is the day you stop dreaming about it and start doing the things you know you’re capable of doing that will make it happen. For your free copy of How to stop putting off the things you want most, send an email to firstname.lastname@example.org