Abuse, conflict driving teen girls to run away

JANELLE DE SOUZA

Abuse and conflict with authority figures in the home are some of the main reasons local girls and teens in general run away from home, according to professionals.

Earlier this month, National Security Minister Stuart Young reported that from January 2018-January 2019 a total of 290 girls under 17 had been reported missing. He said of the 266 girls "extracted," the vast majority were reported to have gone to the homes of friends or other relatives.

He also noted that the police Victim and Witness Support Unit was responsible for providing support to the families of people reported missing, and the families of seven girls were referred to the unit for support and counselling during that period.

Dr Varma Deyalsingh, psychiatrist and president of the Medical Board, said there were several basic reasons those girls would have run away.

The first was inter-generational conflict, or the disconnect between parents and children. In this case children did not want to follow rules and that could cause conflict in the home.

“At that age," he explained, "teenagers generally tend to rebel. They are looking for their independence at that stage.

"This is not a new phenomenon, in the sense that we always have the restless youth and they will try to step out of the boundaries set by parents, including values and religion.”

Internet brings sexual groomers into people's homes

Children who are sexually groomed also leave their homes. Deyalsingh said a few decades ago, adults worried about maxi taxi drivers and conductors with schoolgirls. Now, however, because of the internet, sexual groomers were practically in people’s homes. He suggested that cybercrime legislation be expanded to include these predators and that the cyber police monitor those types of activities. Also, he said, it was a good idea to teach children the dangers of social media.

“Another reason is that children want love, so they go where they think they can get it. So children, via the internet, are lured out of school and children’s homes to meet people. Or they run away with boys or their boyfriends.”

Sexual abuse at home was another reason children ran away, usually because they felt they had nowhere to turn. He said sometimes adults in the home did not listen to them or would turn a blind eye, and the children felt the adults would not believe them.

Deyalsingh believed parents should be held accountable for this, while recognising there were many single mothers in TT and it was difficult for them to care for and pay the necessary attention to their children.

However, he said some mothers turned a blind eye to abuse because the abuser was the breadwinner of the household, or may threaten the mother’s physical safety; the mother may have been abused as a child so there was "cultural acceptance" of the situation; or she did not want to report it because she felt ashamed and concerned about what others would say.

“If you don’t leave with your daughter and get help, that child would become an adult and we will see her in clinic with mental problems. Some children cut themselves, commit suicide, run away, etc. So I think we have to really know what’s going on in the homes.”

Girls need therapy once found

Deyalsingh said if the child was found or returned, it was important to get her into therapy.

“To help mental health in the whole country, we need to go to the children, recognise when they are having emotional problems, and have enough support systems in place for both the children and the parents to deal with those problems.”

Because of these common issues, he had been trying to get the Ministry of Education to include teaching young children “good touch, bad touch,” so they know people should not be allowed to touch certain body parts, and if it happened to them, they should tell a responsible adult. When they get older they should have sex education at school.

“I had a case where a child was abused at home and it was only when she saw a show about incest that she knew it was wrong. Then she had a meltdown, because other than that, she thought that was normal.”

In order to prevent issues from developing to the point that a child would run away, Deyalsingh suggested the implementation of a “school nanny.” He said as it might not be financially viable to have a psychologist in every school, a retired teacher or police officer, a mother figure who lived in the area, could be given a stipend and could provide assistance. There were retired teachers who taught generations of children in a particular school and who would have the respect of people in that area.

“This mother figure would give them love and attention, not teaching, and if they need that attention, she would be someone they could talk to.

"But it has to be someone living in the area and who knows the culture of the place.”

He said some children may not want to speak to a therapist because they may feel that person would split up their family, but the children may feel more comfortable speaking to the school nanny. These people could show the children a way of life other that what they see at home.

In addition, he said a school nanny might be able to “feel out” the children and, as a trusted figure, hopefully find out their problems and issues. Then they could put the children on to the respective authorities before the problem got to the point of the children running away.

Lee Riviears: Adults need guidance too

Victim and witness support officer Deborah Lee Riviears added that most of the runaway children in TT are dealing with abuse – physical, sexual, emotional, or verbal; substance abuse by the child; and neglect.

“But none of them are separate," she pointed out. "They are all linked, so that one may lead to the other. It may be because a person was interfered with or raped, they might have linked themselves with certain people who involved them in drugs and so on.

"But it always centres around the family.”

Lee Riviears said despite the different types of families and parenting styles, most adults needed guidance when dealing with children, especially teens. She said children wanted attention and teens may do negative things to get that attention. Additionally, some despicable adults took advantage of that, so guardians had to be alert.

She also said people needed to be taught what went into raising children, because it was a difficult job for anyone, but some people started off with a handicap.

"Because of your upbringing, sometimes you repeat what you know, and that may not be the best thing to repeat.”

She suggested that schools, through their parent teacher associations and other avenues, health facilities, faith-based organisations, and other entities should make guardians aware of the various parenting programmes available.

Victims support Unit: We can't force anyone to accept help

Manager of the Victim and Witness Support Unit Aisha Price-Corbie added that the unit offered support to anyone affected by police matters so as to help the person or their relatives cope, as well as helping the investigation or the prosecution. This included missing children.

“Once the matter comes to the police officers and they refer it to Victim Support, we will definitely contact the family.

"In the instance where the child has not returned as yet, we will check how they are dealing with the situation of a child – a vulnerable person – missing and give them some guidelines as to how to cope. If it seems to be affecting them very significantly, then we will engage another agency where they could get some specialist treatment or assessment from a psychological perspective.”

She said often the unit received reports of missing children, but the child had wilfully run away from home, and later returned. In those cases, unit officers would assess the child to find out the root cause.

Some parents asked officers to get involved because the child “presented some sort of deviant behaviour,” or would not obey rules. If the problem was in the home, the officers would hold counselling sessions with the child and the family members, tailored to the individual situation, to resolve it. If the child was at risk or abused, they would contact the Children’s Authority and get help for the child.

However, Price-Corbie stressed that the service was voluntary and the unit could not force anyone to accept help. A family member, she said, might insist everything was fine, they might prefer to seek counsel from their faith-based group, see a private counsellor, deal with the matter within an extended family setting, or another agency might provide the support needed.