Set the right example

“If I come there and find that toothpaste, I will…,” I heard my niece saying to my son, who insisted there was no toothpaste in the bathroom, and it was like deja vu. My mom used the same empty threats on me, and I used it on my niece when she was a child.

Children are like sponges. They soak up everything they see and hear the adults around them do and say – good and bad – and incorporate it into their lifestyles, so it was no surprise to hear that recycled threat being bandied around by yet another generation. And it’s certainly no surprise that my ten-year-old has absorbed and is spewing words in a southern Georgian drawl after just a few days of vacationing in Atlanta.

A child’s ability to function socially, how they deal with stress, the way in which they approach life in general and the adults they become are all impacted by the examples set by the adults in their circle.

“Children observe their parents more closely, appraise their parents more carefully, and know their parents better than parents do the child,” says an article published in psychologytoday.com.

“Parents vastly underestimate how closely they are observed and how constantly they are evaluated by their child…The child (up to ages eight to nine) admires, even worships parents for the capability of what they can do and the power of approval that they possess. The child wants to relate on parental terms, enjoy parental companionship, and imitates the parents wherever possible.”

There are so many of my traits I see replicated in my son, some of which I’m proud, others, not so much. I am often so impatient with his impatience, and sometimes find myself shouting at him to stop shouting. I get overly emotional over his emotional outbursts, and we can never play poker with each other because he reads into my facial expressions and body language with the same ease that I can read into his. Sometimes it’s like looking at a smaller, male version of myself. Why? Because he has soaked in the habits of his environment and is living them.

I’m not one for resolutions, but as a parent wanting to be a better parent, I think that this is as good a time as any to start with meaningful resolutions. As 2018 makes its exit and is replaced by 2019 I resolve that the year-long month of January will see me start doing and saying more of the things I want my child to model. Reading more and spending less time on social media; eating more home-cooked meals and less junk; making the effort to start and stick to an exercise routine; more living, loving and laughing and less worrying and stressing over things over which I have no control.

Instead of spending on “things”, I resolve to use my means to make wonderful memories with my child. I’m not sure if I’m too set in my ways to do anything about the impatience and shouting thing, but I resolve to welcome good advice on making positive changes.

Happy new year everyone!

Comments

"Set the right example"

More in this section