Love is love

The love between members of the LGBT + community and their parents, in many cases, does not suffer from the revelation.

Instead of rejection, the most common reaction was that of concern of their child’s safety, and protection of their child from violence and discrimination, believes Kennedy Maraj, CEO of Silver Lining Foundation.

“Secondary to this was adjusting to the new reality that confronted them. This included blaming themselves for their child’s sexual orientation/gender identity, moving past denial toward acceptance, reconciling their faith/religion with their child’s sexuality, fears about the quality of life their child will lead. For example, will they be safe? Will they find love? Will they have a family?”

These were some of the issues the foundation helped parents of LGBTQIA (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer or questioning, intersex, and asexual or allied) children deal with in their Stronger Families project.

The project forms part of the Sexual Culture of Justice Project, a human rights project funded by the European Union and implemented by the University of the West Indies, Institute for Gender and Development Studies, in collaboration with six LGBT+ and feminist organisations in TT.

Maraj said the aim is to create a safe space for parents and guardians who are searching for answers to address issues relating to their child’s sexuality or gender identity that ultimately leads towards love, understanding, and acceptance of their LGBT+ child.

He said it provides psychosocial support to parents and guardians facing challenges with raising an LGBT child in a nation where many citizens do not have positive views on gender and sexuality.

They share their concerns and views around safety, protection, religion, sex, and sexuality in confidentiality.

“We have found that most parents often retreat to a place of denial when discovering their child’s sexual orientation or gender identity, which is further compounded by feelings of guilt, loss, worry, and concern. Stronger Families provides a safe space for parents and guardians to sit with other parents under the guidance of a trained mental health professional as they explore and unpack these emotional states in the hope that they find understanding and acceptance of their LGBTQIA child.”

My son is gay...and I love him

One woman told Sunday Newsday her son, who will be called Luke, told her he might be gay when he was 17.

She said his family and friends suspected as much since he was two or three-years-old. She said there were never “girl toys” or “boy toys” in her household but he always preferred the dolls, tea sets, and easy-bake ovens rather than trucks and Legos. In fact, she said, when Luke was four, her ex-husband took their son to a psychologist because he “was afraid” Luke might be gay. When Luke came out to her, she said he cried while she hugged him and told him she loved him and that everything would be alright. She said she felt relieved at the admission as she had been waiting for him to feel comfortable enough to tell her.

“I believe homosexual people are born like that. They come into the world like that. They aren’t created and they don’t become so. I think it’s evolution doing some population control.” She said when she heard about the Stronger Families programme she decided to go just to meet and talk to other parents of LGBT+ children, and to see how she could help. “There was only one concern I had. Life is already a b*tch anyway and being anything other than what the world says is supposed to be heterosexual, it just makes it so much tougher and dangerous. I was afraid for him.”

She said in his teens, Luke was harassed and almost beaten up several times because people thought he was gay. The programme, she said, helped her realise there was hope for TT with people and organisations gathering together, standing their ground, and supporting LGBT+ people and communities.

She said that was very important to her because, while Luke has been living and studying abroad for years, he wanted to return home to TT and do all he could for his country in the field of environmental engineering.

Helping parents understand

According to Maraj, the idea for Stronger Families came from the foundation’s Safe Space programme, which offers counselling services for LGBT+ students at tertiary level institutions in Trinidad.

Some of the students were anxious about being outed to their parents for fear of rejection and abandonment, abuse and neglect, and being forced into unwanted marriages to preserve the family image, moral standing in the community, or in the face of religious beliefs.

He said the issues, concerns, and challenges they raised led the foundation to create a similar support service directed at parents and guardians who are facing their own unique struggles coming to terms with their child’s sexual orientation and gender identity.

“Hearing these stories led us to the realisation that parents also needed support and guidance when dealing with a situation that conflicted with their values and beliefs. We needed to intervene by providing a resource to parents so that they can operate from a place of love and understanding, which allows their child to experience their feelings in a healthy manner as they both navigate these uncharted waters that ultimately leads to Stronger Families.”

Facilitated by former president of the TT Association of Psychologists Dr Katija Khan, the group counselling sessions also introduced parents and guardians to perspectives on gender and sexuality they may not have been exposed to otherwise, as well as myths and misconceptions about LGBT+ people.

The second cycle of Stronger Families will begin this month and the two-hour sessions will take place once a week over ten non-consecutive weeks.

For further information Silver Lining Foundation could be contacted at 749-4515 or thesilverliningfoundation@gmail.com.