THE EDITOR: They might look real, feel real, taste real, but all five goals scored by Russia against Saudi Arabia in the Moscow FIFA World Cup were fake. Look carefully at the YouTube videos and you will see.
The first goal was offside. A Russian player was offside when the ball was delivered to the player who headed in. Look carefully. Some might argue that the offside player was not in play at the time of the pass but no such thing. Decide for yourself. Look carefully.
At the start of the play the referee is jovially tossing a coin, palm to palm, palm to air, as he does the coin toss with the opposing captains. This was no ordinary coin. Fact is, it was made from the rare earth metal (REM) yttrium synchisites, mined in Western Siberia at the Solikamsk Magnesium Plant. It is worth the weight of 15 diamond coins. A bribe. Right in front of our eyes.
The second goal was a dead giveaway. Notice carefully how the two Saudi players at the goalmouth fall as if they have been hit by a bullet, while the ball lands comfortably and magically in the path of the Russian player. Notice? Fact is that when Vladimir Putin worked as an intelligence officer at the KGB, the Russian secret service, he developed a device given the unnecessarily complicated name Jujitsu Villonodular Synovitica (JVS). This is a hand-held device that could be used in the stands by any ordinary spectator or KGB officer to attack the synovial fluid and joints of opposing players.
The third goal was not scored by a mortal at all. It was scored by a product of the Russian artificial intelligence lab, a Frankenstein. Look carefully at Dzyuba (Zooba). Unusually tall broad square for a striker. A big square head. Does not fit the footballing genius bill at all. He was created with a laser head in the days of Stalin. Such creatures are mentioned in Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn’s historical and scientific treatise The First Circle, which describes how Stalin barracked the Soviet Union’s best scientists in Siberia and forced them to create, under duress, human automatons for cultural and political warfare. Note the laser accuracy of the fake header.
The fourth goal, observe carefully, was not booted in from the instep. It was unnatural, delivered from the laces on the outside of the Russian’s left foot. This is no ordinary boot. It was built from the guidance system of a 105mm mortar delivery apparatus, typically used in drone attacks in places like Chechnya. Notice how sudden and unexpected the delivery? Can anyone genuinely claim that they expected this out-of-the-blue unorthodoxy?
Finally, the fifth goal. Note the precise swing around the opposing players into the far top right corner of the goal. Natural? Did it look like a natural ball? The Russians have learnt from Einstein: gravity. From studies of space and time. The ball is a replica of the gravitational characteristics of the sun. The sun mass bends space around itself, making planets and other solar objects to orbit itself. A young female cosmonaut, Yulia Putinseva II, developed this solar prototype football, after close studies of the sun on her visit to the international space station (ISS) in June/July 2016.
Now, one may wonder why CNN, BBC, MSNBC, NBC, ABC, FOX, the Washington Post, the New York Times, the CIA, the FBI, the Pentagon and the Clinton Democrats are silent about these fake goals. They are really not. They are quietly compiling a fake dossier to present to the world if Russia reaches the semi-finals. And as to why Putin was openly shaking hands, colluding, with the Saudi prince after a goal was scored? Why he looked so red-faced? As if he was apologising for this Russian hack against the Saudi kingdom? Fact is, that was not a Saudi prince at all. That was Ivanka Trump in disguise.
WAYNE KUBLALSINGH via e-mail