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Thursday 19 July 2018
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Why relationships crumble



Relationships fail because people take their own insecurity and try to twist them into their partner’s flaws – Baylor Barbee

OVER the past three months relationship issues have been at the top of the International Women’s Resource Network's (IWRN) agenda, as more and more it is becoming evident that both men and women are experiencing serious challenges in successfully navigating their relationships.

Usually there are variations in agenda and expectations when two people enter into a relationship, which, if not synchronised sufficiently early, set the tone for failure. I have said on numerous occasions that communication is critical to an effective union of two people. Far too often relationships develop based on assumptions which evolve into a huge guessing game.

Through our conversations, we recognise that heavy emphasis is placed on money and sex as priority items and given that focus, many miss the mark in harnessing and addressing other critical pillars upon which healthy relationships are built.

Every woman has a special profiled mate which informs who lands in her arms. Unfortunately, this feat is almost never accomplished because of the uniqueness that constitute human beings. Some women have admitted their preference to remain single if their ideal is not found and/or risk developing a union with someone who may be lacking in some of their desired areas. Failure begins when women attempt to change and/or recreate their mate. No one has the power to change another, and hence, immediate unlearning is required for the success of any relationship. Every individual is unique and so is every union; perfection is virtually impossible, and therein lies the importance of embracing existing attributes (once workable) of each other to create a harmonious relationship.

Some common factors which infuse failure into relationship include lack of trust which comes from a number of places such as negative experiences from previous relationships which remain unresolved even at the start of a new relationship. Compounding lack of trust is jealousy, infidelity and financial challenges. With such a start, a relationship would also be devoid of any high level of staying power. The issue of expectations would again rear its ugly head, once important information is not shared in an open and dispassionate manner. It is advisable to ensure that the priorities of each party is absolutely clear and all-accepting.

Poor communication and/or lack thereof have been proven to be one of the biggest hindrances to a successful relationship, in fact, research has identified the lack of communication as a major reason for failed relationships and marriages. All modes of communications are essential – verbal, body language, intimate and the entire range that say that you understand each other and your connection is authentic even if both are not pleased with decisions and/or outcomes.

Narcissism is also a silent killer in relationships and once this is present, must be treated with some measure of urgency. These are just some of the major deterrents to smooth and healthy relationships, and because life is so fluid, it is important for couples to engage in periodic introspection to ensure that their edges are smooth.

Adriana Sandrine Rattan is a communications and branding consultant, author, empowerment builder and president of the International Women’s Resource Network (IWRN) Contact: intlwomensresourcenetwork@gmail.com; https://www.facebook.com/IWRN1/


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