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Saturday 21 July 2018
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Christmas term: MPs class report card

House Speaker Brigid Anisette-George.

Class 1A. International Waterfront School, Port of Spain.

Principal: Mrs George. Vice Principal: Mrs Kangaloo.

ROHAN: He was blamed for messing up the ferry tickets for the class outing to Tobago. Yet even despite a hint a mischief behind his boyish grin, he convincingly argued that it was not his fault he was not to blame. As a result of this sheer grit we’re promoting him to Head Boy. COULD GO FAR.

Prime Minister Dr Keith Rowley.

KEITHOS or “KC”: Keithy is one of our ablest pupils but has had trouble settling down, probably as he has been absent too often. If he spends less time at parties, maybe he could complete some of the many projects he always loudly proclaiming but which just never seem to materialise. His friend Hannif got into trouble over some missing hair oil, but Keithos sought to distance himself by pointing to the baldness of his own head. Oh, some of the girls have been complaining that Keithos has been teasing them by saying they look like a pasture. CAN DO BETTER.

Trade and Industry Minister Paula Gopee-Scoon.

PAULA: She let her exuberance overcome her when she suggested Ramona was so poor she need to apply for a public grant. Principal Mrs George told Paula to behave but she then went on to make a remark about Ramona’s breasts. Just as she once gave an unwanted hug to Little Barry Obe-Ama, Paula must learn to control her emotions. MUST CALM DOWN.

Finance Minister Colm Imbert.

COLM: Colm has worked exceedingly hard at running the school canteen to ensure all pupils have something to eat. He has sacrificed his own leisure time when he’d otherwise be playing with boats. So far he’s working well with the new girl in school, Allyson, who is helping him out in the shop. KEEP IT UP!

Finance Minister Colm Imbert and Attorney General Faris Al-Rawi.

FARIS: One of our most studious pupils. He was leader on a group project on gangs but despite all his research, he did not truly connect with pupils from the other class in his group. The project and all involved got a failing grade. BE FRIENDLIER TO OTHER PUPILS

STEWIE: A meticulous pupil but got a detention for taunting Barry about his “tablecloth jacket.” He’s helping teacher probe claims about some missing lunch money, although Roody has denied any wrongdoing. Some have accused Stewie of being a bully and a tell-tale but he insists he’s got a tale to tell. With heavy demands at school, he needs to strike a healthy school-home life balance. NEEDS A VACATION

Opposition Senator Khadijah Ameen.

KHADIJAH: She dutifully researches her homework yet her class presentations are dull. However, she shows her brilliance in her frequent Facebook postings. NEEDS TO FIND HER OWN RHYTHM.

NIKOLI: Brilliant pupil who defended some boys who were being taunted as “sissies” by the school bully. Strong personality and possible future head boy. However, parents, please do something about Nikoli’s hair! TRIM THAT HAIR!

ANTHONY: Pupils blamed Anthony for missing textbooks but he has denied any involvement. Tony is a child who will say anything to avoid unpleasantness, and sometimes finds it hard to face up to harsh reality. At first, he was caught fighting with Francis but the two seem to have settled down now. MUST ALWAYS TELL TEACHER THE TRUTH.

ADRIAN: Very pleasant boy. Does his work dutifully. However must come out of his shell. He needs to be given more responsibility, maybe to assist other pupils who are overburdened from leading projects. NEEDS TO STRETCH HIMSELF MORE.

Minister of Sports Darryl Smith.

DARRYL: The school’s sport teams have thrived this term and Darryl is involved in most events. However he got in trouble for posting a photo on Facebook with him embracing a female schoolmate. Also got in trouble for teasing Barry. A HARD WORKER BUT A BIT MISCHIEVOUS.

SHAMFA: She’s always on her cellphone, where her mind is always roaming. PLEASE CONTROL SHAMFA’S PHONE TIME.

Tourism Minister Shamfa Cudjoe.

NYAN: Friendly, hardworking, always with answers on hand to any question posed to her. While her choice of subjects may be seen as “soft” options, we think she could go far and even become a house captain or a head girl. A GOOD TERM’S WORK.

Mayaro MP Rushton Paray.

RUSHTON: Behind his shyness are meticulous presentations from which he gives low-key but well-informed class presentations. Should take up leadership roles in school. COULD GO FAR.



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