The intricacies of domestic violence

ADRIANA SANDRINE RATTAN WITH WOMEN IN MIND

ADDRESSING the issue of domestic violence always seem to happen instantaneously and reactively. The content of the conversations and suggestions have always focused on failure of protection orders, failure by the police to properly act on reports of domestic abuse lodged at the particular station and all of these are indeed important and must be addressed with utmost urgency, if we are to treat with the issue through collective conscience and wisdom. However, at the International Women’s Resource Network (IWRN), our lens are a bit different as we work with individuals and/or couples in a very direct and dispassionate way regarding how they manage their intimacy and relationships.

I have said before, through this very column, that domestic violence comes from many different places including but not limited to infidelity, emotional insecurity and that unfortunate need to control which at worst is displayed by men. Complaints of domestic abuse that land at the IWRN, are confronted with one major question – what is the source of the abuse? The answer requires high levels of honesty and maturity and often takes a lot of work to pull out from both victim and abuser. The next question, do you want your man or woman? …the work and interventions that follow depend on the answers provided to both questions.

Improvement on treating with this issue must start backward in embarking on a national campaign geared towards sensitising and educating both men and women on the various mechanisms which can be used to not only identify and address signs of abuse, but to also unlearn some of the ancient philosophical ideologies that denote ownership of your partner.

Couples do not own each other as each person brings their own uniqueness and characteristics to a relationship. When two individuals decide to develop an intimate relationship, the ground rules must be set from the start –let everything out in the open to avoid unmet expectations. Men must be be mindful that the relationship is for the purposes of a partner who can support and bond with you in the best way possible, and not a maid.

Schools should also be included in this national campaign as the incidents of violence currently taking place in and out of the school environment, if not curbed immediately, will definitely escalate into domestic abuse which in turn could become fatal.

There should be the introduction of support learning systems capable of teaching males to manage their anger, emotions and rejection. A number of complaints reaching the IWRN show that men fear rejection even before it happens mainly in instances where they think their manhood is being affected due to some life-threatening illness. Once that characteristic steps in, the need to control their partner becomes even stronger because the fear of rejection has landed.

In an effort to avoid such a situation, the IWRN brings both parties together to discuss alternatives capable of treating with the issue particularly as their sex lives may be affected. If more proactive interventions are introduced, coupled with individuals being honest about their domestic circumstances, that would indeed be a good place to start in curbing incidents of domestic violence.

Adriana Sandrine Rattan is a communications & branding consultant/author/empowerment builder and president of the International Women’s Resource Network (IWRN) Contact: intlwomensresourcenetwork@gmail.com; https://www.facebook.com/IWRN1/