‘Carnival revealed a soul longing to rejoice’

Crystal Abraham is 33, unmarried, and childless. She is an educator and writer, and in her free time she enjoys reading, hiking, and singing. Crystal is a practising Catholic, teaches confirmation in her parish church, and is also involved in the parish’s outreach programme to displaced persons. Crystal is currently undergoing treatment for depression.

IN the days surrounding Carnival, the Archdiocese of Port of Spain posted three excerpts from Archbishop Jason Gordon’s article “Carnival and the soul of the nation” on its Facebook page. The first of the three got the most attention; the original was shared some 27 times, and then shared by many others, so that by Carnival Tuesday morning, the quote was part of the milieu of Monday memes masquerading across phone screens from Morvant to Marabella.

“Carnival is laying bare the soul of the nation, revealing that hedonism and materialism have become the national value system…Spiritually we have lost our way,” His Grace wrote.

The line gave me pause. If Carnival had laid bare my soul, then it revealed a soul that was longing to rejoice. Depression had taken away from me my ability to enjoy life.

I arrived at Piarco Airport on Carnival Saturday, and Usain-bolted my way through immigration, duty-free and customs before rushing off to Queen’s Hall, where I caught the last performance in 3canal’s annual show. I sang along to the songs I knew well, and danced in Queen’s Hall.

The next day, at mass, I dared not sing as loudly, though here, too, I knew songs by heart, and dared not dance, though here, too, my spirit was moved.

If Carnival had laid bare my soul, then it revealed a soul that was yearning for beauty and light.

Depression had pulled me into a place of never-ending darkness. Yet the most beautiful sunrise of the year is the sunrise on J’Ouvert morning. J’Ouvert begins in the darkness, and when the sun makes her appearance, we are for the first time allowed to see the art we have created on the canvas of asphalt and bodies.

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