Sandrine Rattan writes a weekly column for the Newsday called With Women In Mind
One of the most courageous decisions you’ll ever make is to finally let go of what is hurting your heart and soul –Brigitte Nicole
Re-opening that door to your heart is sometimes painful for many women given the traumatic past which they may have experienced. Continuing along that path would only result in missed opportunities of allowing genuine people into your emotional space which was once bruised.
Being unable to love comes from several different places including, but not limited to, poor parenting and socialisation and toxic relationships which have caused tremendous hurt in the past that they affect your present and future pathways.
Our experience at the International Women’s Resource Network (IRWN) shows that many women still embrace their past instead of attempting to deal with and eradicate those related issues. Some have expressed their wish in enjoying a relationship that offers true love, but have failed to harness such stable relationships because of their reluctance in being honest about themselves and/or their past.
At the IWRN, we continue to work with women in unveiling their masks of the past which unfortunately prevent them from returning love to those who love and care for them. Stable and committed relationships require serious work –work that is characterised by respect, honesty, and a willingness to compromise.
Exhibiting split personalities and tendencies in public spaces and another behind close doors, signals that all is not well emotionally. There is a need to quickly identify the things within your emotional bank that needs to be fixed and to seek help accordingly to avoid missing golden love opportunities.
Some of the underlying factors which contribute to people’s inability to unlock their emotional door include traumatic experiences which tainted their childhood and resulted in accumulated baggage. Also, when raised in environments that are infused with hate and anger as a child, the chances of giving and/or receiving love in adulthood become even more traumatic. At times, everything is done to turn off their partners and the blame game becomes the norm, even for trivial issues which can be resolved through simple dialogue.
Such actions often ruin the feelings of the innocent partner whose focus is purely to share a loving experience. When conversations regularly lead to comparisons of past partners to the current partner, this causes the innocent partner to feel unwanted, and would either attempt to salvage the relationship or simply walk away.
Women affected by the fear of love also possess other fears of obligation and commitment to a relationship as well as fears of losing themselves in the relationship. Deep within, there is a desperate need to experience renewed love, but because of their unhealed, past hurt which also created a false sense of emotional protection, their self-esteem becomes impaired.
Their public mask speaks to their independence of not needing anyone in their lives, whilst simultaneously, their inside is being torn apart. If your emotional door is closed by a lock of pain, begin your renewal by looking in the mirror and affirm love for yourself, seek help and let new love come in.
Sandrine Rattan is a communications and branding consultant, author, empowerment builder and president of the International Women’s Resource Network (IWRN) Contact: firstname.lastname@example.org or email@example.com;https://www.facebook.com/IWRN1/